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    dots Submission Name: the Flag Poemdots

    Author: geherald
    ASL Info:    26/male/PA
    Elite Ratio:    5.07 - 132/127/42
    Words: 44
    Class/Type: Poetry/Society
    Total Views: 1265
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 262


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    dotsthe Flag Poemdots

    the Flag Poem

    When the flag flies
    and all of manís eyes
    are open to the sun
    then our work is done.

    Yet for now we stay
    and with each new day,
    we raise our flag high
    and watch it fly.

    Submitted on 2006-05-13 23:26:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Quite amazingly, this is wonderful. Like Kevin said before me, the simplicity of the poem gives it all the more depth. I also admire how you refrained from taking any one political stance. The flag could represent anything, but the action represents everything all flags aim for.

    Thoughts set aside, you've mispelt "flies" and "all of man's eyes" shakes the rhythm. How about "all mens eyes" or "each man's eyes"? That's all there is to pick at really. You've done a good job with this one.

    | Posted on 2006-05-14 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
      The simplicity speaks volumes. Excellent poem. It seems like the first stanza opens up to the vast future in it's entirety, and while it's message seems hopeful, it's dwarfened by the "day to day" feel I get from the second stanza. it even seems somehow more inspirational than the frist, despite the fact that the first stanza speaks of the end result we are all striving for. Curious. Great poem.


    Edited to add: OH, almost missed it, it should be flies, instead of flys.
    | Posted on 2006-05-14 00:00:00 | by The Poet Tree | [ Reply to This ]
      The subtlety made it work...

    That and the good imagery invoked by the richness of the two stanzas.

    The picture presented by the first stanza, with the eyes being open to the sun, to me, spoke through the inability to close those eyes.
    To me this is like saying I'll fight until I die... or specifically I'll serve my country until I die.

    Very good. Well done.
    | Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]

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