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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Conceptions of a Mysterydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ethan Brody
    ASL Info:    27- M - Dunsinane
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 356/166/55
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 261
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 574



    Description:
       It’d be great if you could give me your opinions on this one …. or whatever you want to say … bash it if you want!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsConceptions of a Mysterydots
    -------------------------------------------


    He said it was a shadow,
    He called it a simple tale,
    Some have said it means love,
    Others mentioned turmoil, I don’t know …

    As I have a link with the past
    I’m inclined to believe it’s nought.

    At this point I’m rather confused,
    I don’t know who’s got the truth.
    My white dove is soon to die,
    Thus, I must know who’s lying.

    I have to know the answer,
    Before my pet flies away,
    Then there won’t be a way out
    And I’ll be as toast as some are now!




    Submitted on 2006-05-14 02:30:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Woah there. This poem confused me--you switched ideas and thematic imagery right there in the middle, and the connecting idea of 'finding' the mysterious answer was vague at best. There is not much more that I can say other than your imagery is somewhat disjointed (and not very well explained, or made seem important) and that I simply could not grasp what you were trying to say--Itried my hardest, but I agree with rws--you need a dream interpreter, or something of the sort.

    woah, was that a flame? my goodness, I think it was. I'm sorry! Really. I just thought you ought to know a fresh-eye''s view. I always like to have both sides (those who like the poem, and those who do not.) And, I do try to tall why it is that I didn't like it. I hope I fulfilled a critical criterium, with mno hate. I hope!

    Blessed be,

    Maevity
    | Posted on 2006-12-10 00:00:00 | by Maevity | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm...this one sounds like its probably somewhat personal but to look at it without that thought in mind, I would have to say it is sort of decieving to the mind. That just comes from its layout. The format of the four line stanzas and the two line stanza gives it the look that it is going to rhyme or have some sort of pattern other than the number of lines in the stanza. But it does neither. Which is neat because in some way it lends itself to the title. Is it a flawed write in that regard, or is it as the writer intended?

    Way to keep 'em guessing.
    | Posted on 2006-07-28 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      "He said it was a shadow,
    He called it a simple tale,
    Some have said it means love,
    Others mentioned turmoil, I don’t know …

    As I have a link with the past
    I’m inclined to believe it’s nought.

    At this point I’m rather confused,
    I don’t know who’s got the truth.
    My white dove is soon to die,
    Thus, I must know who’s lying.

    I have to know the answer,
    Before my pet flies away,
    Then there won’t be a way out
    And I’ll be as toast as some are now!"

    It sounds as if you're badly in need of the interpretation of a dream or vision (and everyone whose attempted to 'read the tea leaves' has come up short in one way or another). Since you have some connection with the events surrounding the dilemma (the 'link with the past'), you've dismissed all you've heard as 'nought' (very sophisticated use of the word, by the way, meaning both 'wrong' and 'nothing' simultaneously).

    At this point, the twist to a salvation/ heaven/ hell issue almost snaps the neck of the reader (in an admirable way) and clarifies the nature of the 'pet' you fear may roast in a warmer climate.

    Such concern for the soul is refreshing (especially considering the low regard organized religion is in these days).

    Nicely done, Ethan.
    Take care.
    Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-05-14 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
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