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    dots Submission Name: NIGH IN SHOCKdots

    Author: dycrain
    ASL Info:    56/F/U.S.A.
    Elite Ratio:    7.33 - 51/54/19
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/You left me
    Total Views: 824
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 949

       A tragic happening in my family April 2006, just before Easter. My niece's husband crossed over while surfing in Huntington Beach, Ca. Damian was 47 years old, my niece now alone with their two children.

    This was done in Monchielle form. Four stanza's consisting of five verses per stanza. Each verse has six syllables. First verse is repeated with each succeeding stanza. The third and fifth lines rhyme.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNIGH IN SHOCKdots

    Nigh in shock; Pardon me?

    Wanted to surf and swim

    Vacation, no regret.

    Ringing phone, night's great fear

    Water baby loves wet.

    Nigh in shock; Pardon me?

    Said, "Hurry, I need you"

    Embrace, prevent collapse.

    Crying, "Don't leave, not yet"

    Abruptly gone, hear taps.

    Nigh in shock; Pardon me?

    Alone now, grieving spouse

    Weak, dreams, chaotic sleeps.

    Turmoil, how to explain

    Called home too soon, she weeps.

    Nigh in shock; Pardon me?

    Family's greatest fear

    Life's pathway now steeper.

    Has the "Kind Messenger"

    Become the "Grim Reaper?"

    2006 Yvonne Marie Crain

    Submitted on 2006-05-15 10:21:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I thought this was kind of akward but it worked well in a sense that you could kind of picture what was going on in your head. I'm not sure having it all spread apart like that is going to appeal to most people because they tend not to read long spread out things. I know this from experience. But I'm sure once you begin revising this itll just get better and better. Thanks.
    | Posted on 2006-05-15 00:00:00 | by norm | [ Reply to This ]

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