i like the way you managed to bend the words around so that it rhymes. I also like how its set up so that the reader is indipendant to establish thier own rythem. A good piece of work, even though i don't really get it.
When I first read the poem, I noticed a lack of punctuation of any form. Personally, I like to use punctuation to inform readers when to stop reading or to simply pause. Without puntuation, it is hard to tell how the author wants the poem to be read. My basic thoughts on the poem were two thirds above average and the story was interesting, however, I would use commas to denote pauses and even throw in period or two for stopping points. The only other advice is that the last line confused me. I had trouble understanding its meaning, otherwise, I found the poem to be quite humerous and abnormal. P.S. Loved the lyrical quality.
Submission Name: Hidden Rat
