Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Why I Never Movedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Colten
    ASL Info:    19/Man?lol/U of I
    Elite Ratio:    3.05 - 62/99/43
    Words: 379
    Class/Type: Story/
    Total Views: 672
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2395



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhy I Never Movedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I speak abroad, I talk aloud,
    Upon this soil, with winters shroud,
    I'm strolling down, this path I know,
    To a place, I need to go,
    When all of a sudden, I hear a noise,
    Quickly I stiffen, swiftly I poise.

    Up in the air, I see a sight,
    Gives me chills, spells my fright,
    For, in the sky, above my head,
    I spy a ghost, a man who's dead,
    Upon his face, he adorns a mask,
    And in his hands, he grips a flask.

    With haggard stature, he drifts,
    Flowing in wind, his clothing shifts,
    While I stand, in horrid fear,
    He begins to speak, a voice I hear,
    "Fellow man, cross not thy ground,
    To move ahead, is death you've found."

    Eyes wide open, I stare in deep,
    Into the face, a spectral weep,
    For, on his mask, I spy tears,
    They melt away, my aging years,
    For a reason, I cannot fathom,
    I think I believe, this phantom.

    With dimming silence, and simple calm,
    I wash away, my fretful qualm,
    For, his coat of rags, and skin of rot,
    Forms my quest, a bloodless clot,
    If I wish, to go on my way,
    I must reveal, the why today.

    Fellow ghost, I speak in fright,
    "Why do thou come, to knell in my sight?"
    Pausing quickly, I sigh in breath,
    I feel the force, of speaking to death,
    "Dearest comrade, I say I am scared,
    Why did thou come, warnings doth shared?"

    In tormenting time, the vision stood still,
    Then in raspy shrill, he issued his will,
    "Do not pass, beyond the true of birds,
    As mortal death approaches, thy words,
    Vile hate emanates, around thy wake,
    Of steps in rhyme, thou feet doth quake."

    Confused within, my mind I stare,
    Wanting to be home, upon a chair,
    Yet, part of me, has to stay,
    As I urge to flee, to where I lay,
    So I shall wake, within my bed,
    To run away, from dreams of dead.

    Thus I stand, frozen in stance,
    Never moving, for dreary chance,
    That livid death, was ever right,
    And my fear is true, of grizzly fright,
    So I stand forever, never going back,
    Within the unknown, of courage I lack.




    Submitted on 2006-05-15 16:43:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      What confused me was the numbers, do they have a purpose I am overlooking?
    | Posted on 2006-05-25 00:00:00 | by orange | [ Reply to This ]
      Colten I love the goosebumps that this poem gives me. Once again, your subject is death, big surprise, and once again it is fantastic. There were some parts that confused me, like the true of birds line, but overall I enjoyed it. They always make more sense when I can hear you read them, though.
    | Posted on 2006-05-23 00:00:00 | by jennah | [ Reply to This ]
      Into this morbid mans weep,
    This line is soo forced. its not needed but you have a format set up so my advice is think of something else to put here. My mind just stuck at this line because it seems so very forced and redundant.

    That the gaunt ghost was right,
    also this line doesnt fit in with the format. If you se tup a form you need to stick with it throughout, unless of course the line that doesnt fit the format is of extreme stunning importance. Which there seems to be nothing behind this line.

    Besides the critiques I love this poem. The reality within fantasy.
    | Posted on 2006-05-22 00:00:00 | by Leala | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    103337

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    winners circle written by ShyOne
    True Death written by layDsayD
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    prison written by ShyOne
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Shi written by ShyOne
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    untitled written by ShyOne
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Ache written by rev.jpfadeproof
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Fasade written by jackz
    Summer written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry