Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Why I Never Movedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Colten
    ASL Info:    19/Man?lol/U of I
    Elite Ratio:    3.05 - 62/99/43
    Words: 379
    Class/Type: Story/
    Total Views: 656
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2395



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhy I Never Movedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I speak abroad, I talk aloud,
    Upon this soil, with winters shroud,
    I'm strolling down, this path I know,
    To a place, I need to go,
    When all of a sudden, I hear a noise,
    Quickly I stiffen, swiftly I poise.

    Up in the air, I see a sight,
    Gives me chills, spells my fright,
    For, in the sky, above my head,
    I spy a ghost, a man who's dead,
    Upon his face, he adorns a mask,
    And in his hands, he grips a flask.

    With haggard stature, he drifts,
    Flowing in wind, his clothing shifts,
    While I stand, in horrid fear,
    He begins to speak, a voice I hear,
    "Fellow man, cross not thy ground,
    To move ahead, is death you've found."

    Eyes wide open, I stare in deep,
    Into the face, a spectral weep,
    For, on his mask, I spy tears,
    They melt away, my aging years,
    For a reason, I cannot fathom,
    I think I believe, this phantom.

    With dimming silence, and simple calm,
    I wash away, my fretful qualm,
    For, his coat of rags, and skin of rot,
    Forms my quest, a bloodless clot,
    If I wish, to go on my way,
    I must reveal, the why today.

    Fellow ghost, I speak in fright,
    "Why do thou come, to knell in my sight?"
    Pausing quickly, I sigh in breath,
    I feel the force, of speaking to death,
    "Dearest comrade, I say I am scared,
    Why did thou come, warnings doth shared?"

    In tormenting time, the vision stood still,
    Then in raspy shrill, he issued his will,
    "Do not pass, beyond the true of birds,
    As mortal death approaches, thy words,
    Vile hate emanates, around thy wake,
    Of steps in rhyme, thou feet doth quake."

    Confused within, my mind I stare,
    Wanting to be home, upon a chair,
    Yet, part of me, has to stay,
    As I urge to flee, to where I lay,
    So I shall wake, within my bed,
    To run away, from dreams of dead.

    Thus I stand, frozen in stance,
    Never moving, for dreary chance,
    That livid death, was ever right,
    And my fear is true, of grizzly fright,
    So I stand forever, never going back,
    Within the unknown, of courage I lack.




    Submitted on 2006-05-15 16:43:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      What confused me was the numbers, do they have a purpose I am overlooking?
    | Posted on 2006-05-25 00:00:00 | by orange | [ Reply to This ]
      Colten I love the goosebumps that this poem gives me. Once again, your subject is death, big surprise, and once again it is fantastic. There were some parts that confused me, like the true of birds line, but overall I enjoyed it. They always make more sense when I can hear you read them, though.
    | Posted on 2006-05-23 00:00:00 | by jennah | [ Reply to This ]
      Into this morbid mans weep,
    This line is soo forced. its not needed but you have a format set up so my advice is think of something else to put here. My mind just stuck at this line because it seems so very forced and redundant.

    That the gaunt ghost was right,
    also this line doesnt fit in with the format. If you se tup a form you need to stick with it throughout, unless of course the line that doesnt fit the format is of extreme stunning importance. Which there seems to be nothing behind this line.

    Besides the critiques I love this poem. The reality within fantasy.
    | Posted on 2006-05-22 00:00:00 | by Leala | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    103337

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love written by saartha
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Records I written by Raphael
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    prison written by ShyOne
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry