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    dots Submission Name: a fragment of thought...dots

    Author: frank bazaya
    ASL Info:    24/m/uk
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 10/12/5
    Words: 288
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 777
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1729

       have you ever found yourself sitting in a lecture...sitting at work...sitting at home wondering how it is...why it is...what it is...well this was one of those moments when I could not comprehend my surroundings as I became emmersed in my essence of thought.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsa fragment of thought...dots

    Today without a doubt has been the day of the beast...
    as i sit by my desk I see no end to the gritting of my teeth.
    a million and two thoughts run through this head,
    what is it i truly deserve?
    surley lord knows I've been down this road before...
    *ring ring* the phone continualy rings more...and more.
    All the lies and deceit,
    surely the end of this day has to see me cheat
    on my knees, tis the dawn of my defeat.
    i must be out of mind...life almost has me beat!

    The pressure has nerves churning,
    my stomachs turning...my soul is burning,
    no greater feat...the shivers racing down my spine straight to the feet.
    New tactics to be ohased...this invasion of mind to be erased.
    The endowment of my kindered spirit, by no question my desires for the greatest gift...
    this must be a joke, waiting for that moment I awake and this whole dream croaks.
    chokes and dies under, just like everything else the beats plunder.
    As their piercing eyes do tend to wonder...
    the damage they do as they put my passions asunder.
    How my vengance will strike like the might of thunder.
    My move to resurface the domain of thought,
    certainly this is not what destiny has brought...
    to my eager mind, better lessons have been taught!
    but alas!
    abundance in what I would have as susbstance,
    inadequancy in fortitude,
    God knows I wish I could have gained more lattitude...

    Time to leave this fragment of thought...
    screams and wails from the battles fought,
    be certain my next tale will not start without nought...

    Submitted on 2006-05-15 19:12:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I thing the rhyme at the end over every line confines this piece. It's rhythm seems restrained. The rhyme scheme just doesn't work for me because it seems too structure for something as fluid as getting lost in your own thoughts. Perhaps that's because my mind is more chatotic i don't know it just seems too sturutured for it's subject matter. The was also a word I didn't understand ohased this may have meant to be chasted or it may just be slang or language I'm not accustomed to. peace
    | Posted on 2006-05-15 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]

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