Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Forlorn Ravendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Colten
    ASL Info:    19/Man?lol/U of I
    Elite Ratio:    3.05 - 62/99/43
    Words: 349
    Class/Type: Story/Dark
    Total Views: 821
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2362



    Description:
       Humans may have to be the most vile, corrupt, and most unworthy creatures to live this planet. Here is a warning to us.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Forlorn Ravendots
    -------------------------------------------


    The forlorn raven fell to Earth,
    Never ceasing to falter in previous times,
    Under a stress of massive girth,
    He fell for all the untold rhymes,
    That children wish to hear,
    In their ever present innocence,
    Forever lost in ridiculous fear,
    Of the boogieman, and such non-sense,
    From the sorrowful growth of vermin,
    The worms that bind our souls,
    The all-consuming fires of a sermon,
    Gripping the fabric of coals,
    They tore apart the forlorn raven,
    They caused him all his woes,
    He fell to Earth without a haven,
    From carcass, fungus grows,
    He now lays at rest and still,
    Forever bound by tempting man,
    Or any who wish him ill,
    He cannot fly his feathered fan,
    For they are clipped in rage,
    Of broken dreams in timely time,
    Living soft, in darkened age,
    The children cry in rhyme,
    Its the sullen sound so often heard,
    The only one around,
    The single not in ears of bird,
    That hapd to make its round,
    Reverberations take to the woods,
    From dying breaths of rat,
    The aftermath of tormenting goods,
    From the thing that tamed the cat,
    He lies in frost with winters old,
    Snow builds forts of steel,
    No more will to battle the frivolous cold,
    Not pain does him but feel,
    The forlorn raven quivers in spring,
    Heart beats seconds more,
    To acid baths and chemicals ring,
    Whose venom grips the barren shore,
    Moonlight shines shadows deep,
    On the body sitting solid prone,
    The maggots crawl, as they weep,
    For the souls that do not moan,
    As time goes by the simple scene,
    Autumn takes his toll,
    With leaves that fall of crimson sheen,
    Hiding the rotting skull,
    Where petty wars do dot the land,
    As soldiers of proclaimed mercy walk,
    Children sink in puddles of sand,
    The cryptic bird cannot talk,
    Leaving room for summer fun,
    Humanity cannot slumber,
    On they go to capture the rising sun,
    History is losing its number,
    For time is short in shrinking years,
    The forlorn raven cries,
    For if mankind must kill his peers,
    On the raven dies.






    Submitted on 2006-05-15 20:56:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Nothing I could say would do this poem justice. It was a great write; I love the metaphor. It could use a little work on word choice, but what poetry couldn't?
    Thanks.
    | Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by Donne Rogue | [ Reply to This ]
      i love it, edgar allan poe-ish.

    the raven is oft a creature of darkness and ill fate.

    i like the writing style of rhyme but one part that i would have changed is

    humanity cannnot slumber
    on to capture the rising sun

    or maybe even rising son

    that could then have a double meaning both light and the future of men

    good stuff Dax
    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by dax | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    103380

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Cover written by saartha
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Carry written by saartha
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Records I written by Raphael
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    The World written by jjd
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    prison written by ShyOne
    Journey written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry