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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Forlorn Ravendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Colten
    ASL Info:    19/Man?lol/U of I
    Elite Ratio:    3.05 - 62/99/43
    Words: 349
    Class/Type: Story/Dark
    Total Views: 800
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2362



    Description:
       Humans may have to be the most vile, corrupt, and most unworthy creatures to live this planet. Here is a warning to us.


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    dotsThe Forlorn Ravendots
    -------------------------------------------


    The forlorn raven fell to Earth,
    Never ceasing to falter in previous times,
    Under a stress of massive girth,
    He fell for all the untold rhymes,
    That children wish to hear,
    In their ever present innocence,
    Forever lost in ridiculous fear,
    Of the boogieman, and such non-sense,
    From the sorrowful growth of vermin,
    The worms that bind our souls,
    The all-consuming fires of a sermon,
    Gripping the fabric of coals,
    They tore apart the forlorn raven,
    They caused him all his woes,
    He fell to Earth without a haven,
    From carcass, fungus grows,
    He now lays at rest and still,
    Forever bound by tempting man,
    Or any who wish him ill,
    He cannot fly his feathered fan,
    For they are clipped in rage,
    Of broken dreams in timely time,
    Living soft, in darkened age,
    The children cry in rhyme,
    Its the sullen sound so often heard,
    The only one around,
    The single not in ears of bird,
    That hapd to make its round,
    Reverberations take to the woods,
    From dying breaths of rat,
    The aftermath of tormenting goods,
    From the thing that tamed the cat,
    He lies in frost with winters old,
    Snow builds forts of steel,
    No more will to battle the frivolous cold,
    Not pain does him but feel,
    The forlorn raven quivers in spring,
    Heart beats seconds more,
    To acid baths and chemicals ring,
    Whose venom grips the barren shore,
    Moonlight shines shadows deep,
    On the body sitting solid prone,
    The maggots crawl, as they weep,
    For the souls that do not moan,
    As time goes by the simple scene,
    Autumn takes his toll,
    With leaves that fall of crimson sheen,
    Hiding the rotting skull,
    Where petty wars do dot the land,
    As soldiers of proclaimed mercy walk,
    Children sink in puddles of sand,
    The cryptic bird cannot talk,
    Leaving room for summer fun,
    Humanity cannot slumber,
    On they go to capture the rising sun,
    History is losing its number,
    For time is short in shrinking years,
    The forlorn raven cries,
    For if mankind must kill his peers,
    On the raven dies.






    Submitted on 2006-05-15 20:56:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Nothing I could say would do this poem justice. It was a great write; I love the metaphor. It could use a little work on word choice, but what poetry couldn't?
    Thanks.
    | Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by Donne Rogue | [ Reply to This ]
      i love it, edgar allan poe-ish.

    the raven is oft a creature of darkness and ill fate.

    i like the writing style of rhyme but one part that i would have changed is

    humanity cannnot slumber
    on to capture the rising sun

    or maybe even rising son

    that could then have a double meaning both light and the future of men

    good stuff Dax
    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by dax | [ Reply to This ]


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