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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Friend and His Butterfliesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Colten
    ASL Info:    19/Man?lol/U of I
    Elite Ratio:    3.05 - 62/99/43
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Story/Comedy
    Total Views: 830
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 441



    Description:
       I always wanted to be a schizophrenic.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Friend and His Butterfliesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    As I was visiting a friend,
    He let me observe his collection,
    Of butterflies,
    "How many insects do you,
    Possess?" I asked him.
    "None." He replied.
    "I don't have a butterfly,
    Collection,
    As much as I am not real."
    I stared aghast towards him,
    "Why?" I muttered.
    He replied,
    "Because your schizophrenic!"




    Submitted on 2006-05-15 21:19:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Colten you make me laugh. But definately make it longer. Something like the dummies maybe.
    | Posted on 2006-05-23 00:00:00 | by jennah | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with the others, the ending seems rather abrupt. Maybe you could take out the last three lines and add an element of mystery. Like...give me a minute to think... well, what I came up with doesn't really fit the whole mystery dealy, but it is a bit differnt. Instead of the last three lines put:
    why,
    why me?
    I don't know it's still early. Don't feel like you have to change it for me-it's your work!
    | Posted on 2006-05-22 00:00:00 | by orange | [ Reply to This ]
      odd...but i like it...i want more of it. It would be very interesting to see this teased out into a longer piece. it would make that final reavealing of truth, a little more jaw dropping.

    I agree with deadsqrl, I think this is a very cool idea. A little underdeveloped, but no need to stop here. Take it and roll with it.

    I think the use of a butterfly collection is a good choice. sor tof an odd obsession, foreshadows the odd tale that unfolds.
    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by googie | [ Reply to This ]
      Huh, a simple end to a simple story. I can't say i wouldn't have like something a little more mysterious, to decide upon myself. Maybe if you, instead of explaining schizophrenia, you could show us another example of how he is schizo.

    then the idea of a person's other self reminding the first that he is insane is intriguing. Would that cure him? maybe that's why the story ends there. but i can't tell.
    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by deadsqrl | [ Reply to This ]
      Weird
    this is such an amazingly random poem!
    But I love it!!!
    It's so random it almost makes sense ;) haha
    Keep it up :D
    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by DragonflyKisses | [ Reply to This ]


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