[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Friend and His Butterfliesdots

    Author: Colten
    ASL Info:    19/Man?lol/U of I
    Elite Ratio:    3.05 - 62/99/43
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Story/Comedy
    Total Views: 830
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 441

       I always wanted to be a schizophrenic.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Friend and His Butterfliesdots

    As I was visiting a friend,
    He let me observe his collection,
    Of butterflies,
    "How many insects do you,
    Possess?" I asked him.
    "None." He replied.
    "I don't have a butterfly,
    As much as I am not real."
    I stared aghast towards him,
    "Why?" I muttered.
    He replied,
    "Because your schizophrenic!"

    Submitted on 2006-05-15 21:19:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Colten you make me laugh. But definately make it longer. Something like the dummies maybe.
    | Posted on 2006-05-23 00:00:00 | by jennah | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with the others, the ending seems rather abrupt. Maybe you could take out the last three lines and add an element of mystery. Like...give me a minute to think... well, what I came up with doesn't really fit the whole mystery dealy, but it is a bit differnt. Instead of the last three lines put:
    why me?
    I don't know it's still early. Don't feel like you have to change it for me-it's your work!
    | Posted on 2006-05-22 00:00:00 | by orange | [ Reply to This ]
      odd...but i like it...i want more of it. It would be very interesting to see this teased out into a longer piece. it would make that final reavealing of truth, a little more jaw dropping.

    I agree with deadsqrl, I think this is a very cool idea. A little underdeveloped, but no need to stop here. Take it and roll with it.

    I think the use of a butterfly collection is a good choice. sor tof an odd obsession, foreshadows the odd tale that unfolds.
    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by googie | [ Reply to This ]
      Huh, a simple end to a simple story. I can't say i wouldn't have like something a little more mysterious, to decide upon myself. Maybe if you, instead of explaining schizophrenia, you could show us another example of how he is schizo.

    then the idea of a person's other self reminding the first that he is insane is intriguing. Would that cure him? maybe that's why the story ends there. but i can't tell.
    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by deadsqrl | [ Reply to This ]
    this is such an amazingly random poem!
    But I love it!!!
    It's so random it almost makes sense ;) haha
    Keep it up :D
    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by DragonflyKisses | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Giving written by jjd
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Every..... written by jackz
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    One Day written by WriteSomething
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Push written by JanePlane
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]