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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Touching Her Heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 960
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 785



    Description:
       Too many nights spent in the lab trying to avoid his touch...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTouching Her Heartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    He placed his hand on her knee once again,
    And she sat placidly in her seat.
    She admired the contrast of his skin to her pants,
    And wondered if he could feel this heat.

    He ruffled her hair as he sat down beside her,
    As if she were nothing but a pet.
    She momentarily thought about ruffling something on him,
    That he wouldn't be quick to forget.

    His knee brushed against her own
    As he sat a little too close to her once more.
    It was beginning to be a little too hard
    To keep from walking out the door.

    He brushed her ear with his fingertips
    And she almost fell apart.
    He didn't realize that when he touched her skin
    He was also touching her heart.




    Submitted on 2006-05-16 08:21:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i love this poem, and the way you capture such silent longing between the two. But, i feel like the ending is too cliché: He didn't realize that when he touched her skin
    He was also touching her heart.
    I feel like the ending should be the greatest part, but it kind of let me down.
    other than that i loved it.
    -Jess
    | Posted on 2006-05-21 00:00:00 | by jsand25 | [ Reply to This ]
      the ending is very wonderful, the best I think in fact about this poem. It all leads up to it very beautifully. Ly, your so cute Miss Ly, when added to a word you tell how and in which way.

    Ha ha...you'll never figurine that one outwardly.
    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to say that I'm very impressed, you didnt even have to get dirty to show something so very sensual and sexy.
    I really liked this I think you did a wonderful job.

    Thanks fo the great read.

    Denise
    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by Forgiven | [ Reply to This ]
      There's something off about the flow, but I really like this. I think many young girls can relate to this. It reminds me of being 13 and having a crush on your older brother's best friend, who happens to like you back, but he knows being with you just wouldn't be right. I loved it, it's being added to my faves.
    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by teenage_dirtbag | [ Reply to This ]
      This is beautiful.
    The perfect discription of a small part that goes on when you are in love.

    The lines:
    "He brushed her ear with his fingertips
    And she almost fell apart.
    He didn't realize that when he touched her skin
    He was also touching her heart."

    The hold so much more meaning then people think.
    Those few words can tell a person every single feeling that is being played in your heart at a single moment.

    Keep writing.
    ~Kat
    | Posted on 2006-12-25 00:00:00 | by Crescent | [ Reply to This ]


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