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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Take me Six undergrounddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: slntfirflm
    ASL Info:    26/F/CA
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 301/331/93
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 992
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 569



    Description:
       Sometimes when you know you weren't enough you feel as if being six feet underground would be best.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTake me Six undergrounddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Is my imagination running wild?
    Is my vivid life falling down?
    Take me down
    to the river,
    take me six underground.

    Can I listen quietly?
    May I stay and watch?
    Slowly I begin to get it;
    as my endings seems to be
    six underground.

    Take Me,
    Take Me to the evergreen;
    Falling Ever So,
    Falling Ever So to the six underground.

    I guess I just wasn't enough;
    To make things for you complete.
    Take me down,
    Take me six underground.




    Submitted on 2006-05-16 16:34:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hopefully, this isn't about how youa re feeling right now... But with the way you've worded it I'm afraid this may be a true feeling, not just artistic license.

    I think that the Six underground is a tough word choice for your readers. I like the concept of death having an address (at least, that's how this piece came across to me) but I wonder if there's a better choice of words?

    Just a thought.

    I hope you know that there's a lot more beauty at One Above than at Six Underground. It's to beautiful of a world to give up on life...

    Take Care!

    Chell
    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]


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