Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Take me Six undergrounddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: slntfirflm
    ASL Info:    26/F/CA
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 301/331/93
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 973
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 569



    Description:
       Sometimes when you know you weren't enough you feel as if being six feet underground would be best.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTake me Six undergrounddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Is my imagination running wild?
    Is my vivid life falling down?
    Take me down
    to the river,
    take me six underground.

    Can I listen quietly?
    May I stay and watch?
    Slowly I begin to get it;
    as my endings seems to be
    six underground.

    Take Me,
    Take Me to the evergreen;
    Falling Ever So,
    Falling Ever So to the six underground.

    I guess I just wasn't enough;
    To make things for you complete.
    Take me down,
    Take me six underground.




    Submitted on 2006-05-16 16:34:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hopefully, this isn't about how youa re feeling right now... But with the way you've worded it I'm afraid this may be a true feeling, not just artistic license.

    I think that the Six underground is a tough word choice for your readers. I like the concept of death having an address (at least, that's how this piece came across to me) but I wonder if there's a better choice of words?

    Just a thought.

    I hope you know that there's a lot more beauty at One Above than at Six Underground. It's to beautiful of a world to give up on life...

    Take Care!

    Chell
    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    103534

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry