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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Visitorsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rastine Aristat
    ASL Info:    19/Male/California
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 125/62/31
    Words: 354
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1073
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2781



    Description:
       Ok, this is musings and reflections, on hind sight, I might want to inform you that it is sort of a personal self-evaluation. I can't say it's the best(or the shortest) I've ever done, but it's what I have for you today. As always, be honest before being kind.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsVisitorsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I had visitors today
    Specters; wraiths
    That simply should
    Never exist
    Yet it must be admitted…

    A husk of a hollow man
    Who I know so well
    Resolute in his delusions;
    Solitary mourner,
    No other may see his pain
    For he resides
    In a fortress of ice,
    Secure in the pain
    Of hollow darkness
    And an empty heart.
    So intent to spread
    Embittering tendrils
    He’ll never live to see
    His own shimmering life.

    I had visitors today
    Specters; wraiths
    That simply should
    Never exist
    Yet it must be admitted…

    A child of insatiable flame
    That I’ve always despised
    Consuming all life
    Eaten from the inside
    By wrath and his own,
    Incognizant animosity.
    Hiding his own flaws
    In heaven’s holy pyre
    Forever taking refuge
    In the death of God
    Purifying his neighbor
    With sadistic fervor
    Yet never turning
    The spiteful eye
    To his own wrathful apathy.

    I had visitors today
    Specters; wraiths
    That simply should
    Never exist
    Yet it must be admitted…

    A nonexistent shade,
    Truest of abominations
    Never will I forget,
    Your hollow remorse
    Crystalline tears
    Shed in hopes
    Of illusory redemption
    Evanescent joviality
    Shifting through the crowds
    Unnoticed, even to your own mind
    Incognito, anonymity,
    Never realized,
    All your scheming
    Shall be for naught,
    His intangibility
    Forcing him to be
    Something less than a dream.

    I had visitors today
    Specters; wraiths
    That simply should
    Never exist
    Yet it must be admitted…

    A shining ray of life,
    Offering feeling to replace
    A necrotic heart,
    Numbed with atrophy.
    A radiant nurturer
    To sooth the blaze,
    Ease the pain
    Of insentient fury.
    A vast sanctum
    Giving freely
    A body to be noticed,
    Freedom of form
    To that which doesn’t exist.

    I had visitors today
    Specters; wraiths
    That simply should
    Never exist
    Yet it must be admitted…

    Gloom haunts the sanctum
    Despair rules its halls,
    For the shadow has
    opened its doors
    To a necrotic heart,
    And wrathful apathy.
    The light shines through,
    Reflected, twisted,
    Deformed by infinite facets
    Of a cadaver’s arctic soul.
    The soothing radiance
    Fed to crimson-gold rage
    Of insatiable flames.




    Submitted on 2006-05-16 18:09:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I must agree with the comment below in one aspect, he did in fact, miss the point. I think this piece can not be fully comprended by those who are entirely unfamiliar with it's author. Now on to answering the questions provided....

    This piece made me feel lonely, that was the main emotion I got from this, though anger was a close second. I believe the main thing that made me feel this way was the constant reference to wraiths and one man being unseen or unnoticed.

    I'd have to say that the repeated verse distracted from this piece a little, after reading it through a couple times I skimmed over the other ones.

    There are a few grammatical "errors" that I might suggest correcting but I really can't do that until we are together and can talk it over.

    I feel this piece is very original and intelligent, I also like that you are introspective here. Very nice work as always ^_^

    ~Nicole
    | Posted on 2006-05-17 00:00:00 | by RadiantSeraph | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know about this one. I think all the larger words slows the read and hinders the message not that you should have to dumb down the message for anyone but other than to point out various personalites I don't see much point to the piece; it seem to drag will vague descriptions and no real spunk or life too it. It seems rather cold and analytical. At the end I wondered if you were hinting at various personatlites you saw emrge from a body being cremeated this is the only mental picture i derived from the last stanza. I just don't see much point in this other then to write for writings sake. I also found wrathful apathy to be an odd combination since wrath is vengence and apathy carelessness I guess they could make sense together but it's a stretch. I didn't particularly enjoy this one, but i fear i missed the point. peace
    | Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      Bravo! I enjoyed this one! It was as if the reader was at a funeral listening to the departed narrorate his funeral and all the parts of him that remain behind maybe like ghost or memories paid him a visit. I don't think it was a literal death, but a emotional one. In each case there was a reason why each part of him failed the departed on a whole. I loved the big words! I knew a few of them off hand. This was as if an explaination as to why you feel dead to the world. Tell me if I am remotely close to the meaning of this poem. You did a great job writing this. This is a fav of mine.

    Catrina
    | Posted on 2006-05-17 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    103550

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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