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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Transcription of a Dreamdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 56
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1287
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 435



    Description:
       This is a really a dream I had recently. It freaked me out.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTranscription of a Dreamdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm a child in a skyscraper running up an accordion of stair flights opening the doors at the landings calling "mom!"
    No answer.
    "Mama?"
    Silence.
    "Mother!"
    Nothing.
    Floor after floor
    until I can't run any longer.
    Dripping with sweat, I realize
    that I've seen no one,
    not even a janitor
    and start to weep.




    Submitted on 2004-05-11 04:09:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      An interesting poem cuddles. I really like the line; "Running up an accordian of stair flights", but sadly it carries a meter that is unmatched in the rest of your verse.
    | Posted on 2004-05-11 00:00:00 | by oixi | [ Reply to This ]
      it's an interesting premise for a poem, and i like it, but i think u could cut the longer lines & that might work better. overall a pretty good job.
    | Posted on 2004-05-11 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      bad dream but a good poem. I like the line about the accordian of starflights too. quite scary but you've wrote it down very well. I think Joey is right you should break some of the longer lines.
    | Posted on 2004-05-11 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      lol what eve said... bad dream good poem. Hey at least your dream made sense. to oixi: forget about meter with cuddledumplin's poetry... it's not there and it doesn't need to be there. I loved the accordian, it made it much more dreamlike and wierd. However I think you shouldtitle it differently... just A Dream is descriptive but it needs something more. ~CJ
    | Posted on 2004-05-11 00:00:00 | by Cora Windover | [ Reply to This ]
      I am sure Freud would have a field day with this one. The skyscraper representing a male organ. The stairs representing trying to reach another level. All the empty rooms signifying lonliness.

    I don't know about all that....lol. But, I do know I liked the poem and it does sound like it would leave me shaken up upon wakening too.
    | Posted on 2004-05-11 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this dream is kinda trippy, it makes it seem liek that to me w/ the lines "running up an accordian of stair flights" but i really liked those lines they were myfavorite out of the whole peom, great write
    | Posted on 2004-05-11 00:00:00 | by gigglygirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh dear god, damn you and your skilful mental manipulation through words!
    All I see is this tiny little girl crying her eyes out on the top step of a cold lonely apartment block, because she's all alone in a seedy world. I got mad at my mom when I was about 9 and ran away for a day... went to a really rough area and ended up exactly the way your dream ended. And I'd forgotten about that until I read this.
    | Posted on 2004-05-11 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      omg... i started to panic almost when i got to the end coz ive been hell lost once and yeah... scary stuff... your so amazing that your words can take me there, suck me in so that i am the lil girl in the poem. awesome write
    | Posted on 2004-05-12 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I havn't been commenting on your stuff lately, havn't had the time with the writers block and such, but I have started again and this one is very nofty (Compliment...trust me) Youreally show what happened in the dream in an easy to read sense, and well its really good...the accordian of stair flights line is jenious(Yes with a J not a G). Excellent write, m'lady. ~Sicobe R. Crow
    | Posted on 2004-05-12 00:00:00 | by Crow | [ Reply to This ]


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