Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Lessons Learned


Author: SorrelsReality
ASL Info:    25/ Female/ See Quote.
Elite Ratio:    6.52 - 175 /113 /20
Words: 68
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1558
Average Vote:    4.0000
Bytes: 552



Description:


Sometimes we have to learn our lessons the hard way. I thank the Lord for all he gives me, good or bad, because I know that with each lesson learned, I grow closer to him.


Lessons Learned



The touch of a hand
A whispered voice
The eyes of truth

Conviction.

Running away
Hiding from reality
Shutting it all out

Confusion.

Severing ties
Pushing the limits
Drowning in doubt

Helpless.

Raising my hands
Finally giving in
Mercy from His love

Forgiveness.

Turning back around
Put my feet back on the ground
Freedom from my sins

Saved.




Submitted on 2006-05-17 14:08:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  I think you have done a real good job on this and I think your on the right track! Keep doing this and we will going to church listening to you? Don't get me wrong I love your words!
Great poem!
Kelley Frost
| Posted on 2006-10-27 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the progression here. We all go through this and you do a good job here taking us along using a minimalist style. Only change I'd make would be to change 'Help me' in 3rd stanza to something like 'pleading' to maintain the consistency of one word at the end of each stanza. Nice write.

Peace,

Joe
| Posted on 2006-05-25 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
  This is really cool. I really like the idea you used to fuel this write. I have a few suggestions, if you will allow me

The touch of a hand
A whispered voice
The eyes of truth

Conviction.

Running away
Hiding from reality
Shutting it all out

Confusion.

Severing ties
Pushing the limits
Drowning in doubt

Help me.

Raising my hands
Finally giving in
Mercy from His love

Forgiveness.

Turning back around
Put my feet back on the ground
Freedom from my sins

Saved.

I thought maybe by seperating the last word or phrase from the stanza before it really helped the flow. But thats really a matter of opinion and you don't have to take my advice if you don't want to.

That said, I really did enjoyed this.
Keep up the good work
and take care

Later
Jason
| Posted on 2006-05-21 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
  I grew up in a christian family. Its good to hear someone that does believe in God and your not scared to write about it either. Thats good your a confident person and you let people know what you believe in. Forgiveness from your sins, realising that He is there to take that burden away from you because as we all know we have many different problems to deal with and the best thing is He is there to help with them all no matter what it is He doesnt turn around and stab you in the back or look at you like you insane or pathetic in anyway instead He loves knowing that you are coming to Him...
It is a good write i wished it was longer though I kept scrolling down to see if there was more hiding somewhere. Short simple and sweet and honestly i liked how each of the verses ended. The flow is magnificent and it sounds really good. Thank you for the write I will be back for more.
| Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by wallya20 | [ Reply to This ]
  Religious poem, Although I don't share your faith..I still love this poem..I thinks its nice how you got saved or redeemed in the end, shows that life does go on after all the hard times.

"Running away
Hiding from reality
Shutting it all out
Confusion."

I liked these lines the best, they just choked me I guess..Because I do that whole "running" thing a lot..anytime I think I can't handle something or its getting too intense I run like hell just to be alone..and deny every feeling..kinda weird. The only thing I didn't get, was the title fitting in with the poem, you'll have to explain that to me sometime, let me think about it..I mean I guess I get it..but there could have been a better fitting title, or maybe its just me today..Anywho Lovely piece, keep up the great work!!

Lucy
| Posted on 2006-05-17 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this, I mean... I dunno I do like it, but it seems to be lacking something, like a spark... does that make sense?
I think you could do a lot with formatting on this piece using italics to emphasize or bold letters, etc. I think doing those things would help the rhythm too, so that it can be easier read. I feel bad, cause this comment seems negative, but I really do like this... I just think you can make it better. Hmm... I feel bad but I trust that you will take this the right way.

Cheers Sorrel
Tom
| Posted on 2006-05-17 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
  Raising my hands
Finally giving in
Mercy from His love
Forgiveness.

Sorry to comment twice, who knows maybe you will be glad but this just jumped out to me as I was reading this again. I love those verses because (as I have said to you before) I can relate to that so well. That feeling of needing to cry out to God and sing to him and lift our hands in praise but something stops us... I am still not sure what... but when we "finally give in" his mercy pours out over my soul, everytime. I know how you feel here, and it is such a wonderful feeling. I think you did amazing at expressing the truth in that reluctancy we all have. Great Job.

p.s. we have a lot in common... its really kinda awesome.

Tom
| Posted on 2006-05-17 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



103655