[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Number Sixdots

    Author: Mr.Wednesday
    Elite Ratio:    2.67 - 5/12/5
    Words: 321
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1174
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1783

       This is a piece that deals with gambling debts, an odd twist with regards to the game of russian roulette in a very popular meter. One used very often by Edgar Allen Poe

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNumber Sixdots

    Number Six

    You wonder why I sweat and why my brazen brow is wet?
    Ask me why I sit in trembling fright, or why Iím shaking.
    Going pale I sit still, while in my spine a feel a chill.
    A sign of my shattered will-will I witness myself breaking?
    Small hairs rise from my skin; I know that surely Iím breaking.
    Surely yes but time itís taking.

    In this dim, smoke-filled room, I myself will seal my doom.
    In the emergent crowd some will goad; others will cheer.
    Their chants now fill the air; put on display I feel bare.
    Exposed to those who stare-stare into their darkest fear.
    Fortunate are they, for they will not know this fear.
    All the while I sit here.

    One attempt to get away merely caused a slight delay.
    In a fruitless endeavor I tried to escape.
    Calm as I prayed for luck, calm till I forgot to duck.
    Driven back Iíd been struck-struck by a man-shaped ape
    The construct of a man, veiled the force of an ape,
    Unrewarding was my jape.

    Anxious, I am waiting, of the end Iím contemplating
    Still, you wonder why I worry, why my brazen brow is wet?
    Often Iíve lost my wager, this time to a grim stranger.
    Playful is the stranger-stranger still was his bet.
    To square obligation, my own blood, mine to bet
    Deadly, Russian roulette.

    Fatal as it always is, more so was this game of his.
    There were bullets for five; one lives on as fate picks.
    Six of us, one goes free, only one allowed to flee.
    First man drew empty-empty, from the mix
    My wait was the longest, the longest of the mix,
    Because Iím number six.

    Submitted on 2006-05-17 17:40:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I spy a hint of the Raven in the peom's form.
    It worked out well, though, The middle started to confuse me in a bore but I read on and found that it was well written.
    Loved the last line. Hitchcocky

    In honest reply Colten
    | Posted on 2006-05-17 00:00:00 | by Colten | [ Reply to This ]
      this is very choppy....it picks up and drops off but it left me thinking with some refineing it could be a really great poem....you just arent flowing i see somewhat of a rhyme scheme in some areas and then its just gone...your story is good, very good infact....hmmm

    | Posted on 2006-05-17 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Instances written by hyproglo
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    ... written by Daniel Barlow
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    an explanation of how i was not good written by Daniel Barlow
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Some of it written by Daniel Barlow
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    This written by Chelebel
    Stretto written by saartha
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]