Glory be to the dawn,
Blood of the fallen warrior.
May it tantalize
And beckon our men,
To fly to a stranger’s call
And take leave to their deaths.
Glory be to the dawn,
Bane of the night,
May the light it brings,
Always blind us to truth.
May it’s illusion of peace,
Never fail to mollify.
Glory be to God, Bringer of Dawn.
| Wow, man.|
I didn't know it was supposed to be "sacrelegious" until after reading the description. Guess I shoulda read that first, huh? My bad! I just thought of the dawning of a new day, the blood of soldiers having seeped into the earth but the dawn bringing us a new beginning from a night of death. It didn't sound sarcastic at all. I guess it's just how you read it maybe. Kinda like the glass being half-full/empty type thing. But the last line definatly stands out no matter what your angle is.
|| Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by vohomegirl | [ Reply to This ] || As always, I can trust your work to be blunt and to the point. This was like saying "here we go again...thanks God!" but in a very non-combative way...like passive agressive. I like your idea very much. I felt that you did a very good job. |
|| Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ] || I must offer my approval of your 'honesty before kindness' rule, lol. I think it shows well in your poem, too. For me it seems to mean something slightly different that what was specified in your description - though I can see the parallels well enough for that, too. I think most people are not properly horrified at every-day life, and for some reason this poem seems to deliever that sentiment more elegantly that I ever could.||| Posted on 2006-09-07 00:00:00 | by Starless Knight | [ Reply to This ] || no offence taken when reading, I enjoyed the strait forwardness of this ... a few suggestions:|
"Always blind us to (the) truth.
May it’s illusion( )of peace,"
added the word (the) to bring more attention maybe to "the truth" and made illusion, singular instead of plural...I just got the feeling that if each dawn was a new beginning than they are all separate and not plural objects.
I loved the line:
"Bane of the night,"
my fav in the whole piece. good writing, and I enjoyed reading.
|| Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by Fey | [ Reply to This ] |