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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Evolutiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: RumnMoxie
    ASL Info:    27/does it matter?/Maine
    Elite Ratio:    4.07 - 97/87/37
    Words: 690
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 132
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 4316



    Description:
       I've had a few friends ask me when I was going to start working on this again. For now I'm considering this a test-run, but I am doing some editing on what I have before I continue, since my writing has changed a bit since I first wrote it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEvolutiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Somewhere in the neo-industrial city, where large skyscrapers were as trees in a rainforest, a new generation of revolutionist adolescents waged a private war for recognition. They dressed in unisexual clothing, donned glitter and tried their best at climbing into the best social circles for only the right connections.

    The social pyramid was not longer for those over twenty-five.

    At one of the highest points of the social ladder stood the Suisei Building. It stood at 146 floors, and at night became akin to an inverted kaleidoscopic castle tower. On its 137th floor was its evening highlight, its signature Suisei Club. It took up four floors of the Megaskyscraper completed with a levitating stage, two DJ booths and three bars (only on served alcohol).

    The evening was still in its infancy (only being 9:00), but already the nightclub was filling rapidly. Nonetheless, only about a third of the partygoers waiting outside were permitted entrance. As they waited for their chance, they were weeded out by the fear-inducing burly bouncers. Most of those who were able to pass security crowded in front of a stage that hovered four feet above the bottom floor.

    "No, you clunker, I said make the lights purple, not brown." A very flustered blond pounded on the keys of a decades-worn machine. "And how on Earth did you get brown lights?" She threw her arms in the air, her many shiny bracelets clinking down her skinny forearms. She sighed. "Honestly, this thing is bound to die tomorrow."

    A dainty chuckle came from behind the demihuman. "Oh, you know it'll still be running tomorrow night. It's waiting for your nervous breakdown."

    Xeinthia turned her yellow-green eyes toward her best friend. "Are you ready?"

    The raven-haired teen nodded.


    ~~~~~
    On the other side of the curtain, a large crowd of clubbers stood, their collective patience waning. A small gathering had pushed their way through the rest, making a beeline for the front row. The bright lights dimmed (after finding their proper colours), causing an fervent response from the hyper audience. An unspoken chant of stomps and claps arose, random whistles and shouts were flying over people's heads. Soon, the performer's name was heard throughout the four floors like an incantation.

    With a flare that would have made Broadway proud, the curtains opened, a spotlight shone on a raven-haired boy. Instantaneously, the audience roared, tiny lights flared as glow sticks randomly lit up.

    Aubrey walked with a Geisha-like grace, stopping scarcely two feet from the edge of the black platform. Brushed a lock of shoulder-length hair from his autumn brown eyes to glance down and give the front row a playful wink. He shook slightly, hit a few keys on a mini keypad attached to his right wrist. He raised his hand above his head. with a quick, semi-wave, he went into the first song.

    Lights came to life and dance on the fingerless gloves, sending input to backstage computer that all of the musician's into music. Other sensors did a similar task were place on other places of his lithe body. They together created the ability to make music through dance (sometimes even through the performers own biorhythms like heartbeat or even emotions could contribute to the songs).

    With a smile that lay and undertone of mischief, Aubrey began to sing. His voice waved strongly into the large nightspot; pure, unyielding. Effortlessly, he sang without heaving as he moved, making it all appear to be simply child's play in his semi-wired platform boots and high-tech elbow pads.

    The rest of the singer's outfit was rather simple; dark, violet flared pants hung with little room to spare off his tiny hips, and a loose-fitting black tank top that never seemed to stay still. Like the wearer. As Aubrey continued his upbeat song and hyperactive dance, it would occasionally fly up, revealing a slim waist, a tiny slit of a navel and a flash of green scales that had a blue shimmer on the small of his back.

    Because Aubrey Kalas was not completely human.




    Submitted on 2006-05-18 02:42:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was nice, but it seem to focus way to much on details and not on what was the purpose of the reader knowing about the two characters you had mentioned. It was as if we skipped something in between as to why it should matter if he is not all human. I do think that you got a good fondation for a story, but I would suggest you give more about the theme and the characters and less on the surrounding for this story's opening. I can't wait to read more on this guy.

    Catrina
    | Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting. Different. You set the scene quite well and I felt my heartbeat stepping up a bit while reading it...dont know if it was because of me feeling the feeling of being one of the crowd or one of the performers. Elegantly done.

    I enjoyed it.

    Thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]



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