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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Orange Mandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: vintagepepper
    ASL Info:    21/F/OH
    Elite Ratio:    7.05 - 191/153/46
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1206
    Average Vote:    3.5000
    Bytes: 954



    Description:
       um...background info for this poem...
    my favorite band in the world is The Dresden Dolls. and they have a song that has a lot of meaning to me and it's very powerful called "Slide" in it she sings "The orange man's got you" ...well i apply this song to my own experiences in my life...and well..that is what this poem is doing.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Orange Mandots
    -------------------------------------------


    “The orange man’s got you”
    She bellows out to the crowd of screaming fans.

    The orange man HAD me,
    He was the color of my denial,
    orange. . . and blistered ebony.
    His soul,
    marbled with crimes of lust,
    was inflicted onto my conscience.
    I’ve lost all sight of beauty
    in this moment
    where he murdered my hope.
    He is the shaded gray
    In my nightmares,
    The grim reaper of love
    and of beauty.
    He cured his hunger
    at the expense of my oblivion
    and exploited my chastity.
    With tear soaked vision
    I longingly gazed out
    the frosted window panes
    at the twinkling lights of the season,
    this was the time for giving.
    But he was selfish,
    he was seizing,
    ..theiving,
    …raping.

    What a lovely gift for the New Year.




    Submitted on 2006-05-18 09:17:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I reckon you ought to write another poem about this. I mean, don't change this poem, but do more work on this theme.

    It's not only a healing theme for you, but also what Sheakhan said: devastating for the reader, and that makes us think/feel for you and so find our own meanings too. In a further artistic stage, what will another poem with other figures-of-speech achieve? The Orange Man (perhaps not quite well enough explained) tells me that for this self-expression you are aware of needing a figure, a powerful figure that your audience knows better than it knows you or your enemy... something like that. The apt metaphor is a pathway opening away to ... something growing, something discovering itself.

    Well, what I mean is that I suspect you haven't finished exploring for figures that will illuminate this theme. This dreaming is begun but not near finished yet. It's alchemy: the pain of misfortune into the joy of art. A series of poems might take years, and the series is one tree amongst many already well planted.
    | Posted on 2007-06-08 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      Devastating.

    The reader finds themselves feeling the cold and unwelcome harshness of another person's troubles, terrible experience.

    This poem speaks of the ahnnihilation of the author's view of love, beauty, and any sort of truth that those two things ever housed.

    But there is hope.

    For one, with enough optimism (and, admittedly, an abnormal degree of willpower) can prove to themselves the benefit of such an experience. Despite the burden this sort of thing usually places on one's soul, it allows them a glimpse at the darkest side of the spectrums of love and beauty, and leaves them, in future encounters with those things, no doubts as to what is love or beauty, and what is depravity and abomination.

    One who has suffered such an experience can acquire much truth from it.

    And at least to some degree, that truth should bring them solace.

    There is rarely any turning of a horrible event into a positive experience.

    But there is always something positive to be found amongst the smoldering wreckage of a once stainless future.

    Hopefully this helps.

    (Hopefully I didn't offend)

    ~Keegan R. Gilmore
    | Posted on 2007-02-07 00:00:00 | by Sheakhan | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a strong piece with a strog sense of pain and great use of vocabulary. You are a very young and talented writer. You write what hurts you like I do. I hope this is not a true pain you are still living. Not all men are evil just at that age. check out some of my stuff and I would love to check out more of yours. Keep up the good work and maybe this holiday season will be brighter.
    | Posted on 2006-11-09 00:00:00 | by Thornful Rose | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah thats good. You still have them both in there and now its a combination of them both, so its not contradictory, and it still gives the effect you wanted.
    | Posted on 2006-05-19 00:00:00 | by groovycay | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it. Its great, but not excellent. This subject is overdone, thats why I feel its not excellent. But the way you deliver it is what makes it great. You give details, vivid details. I can almost feel it, and I can see it. So that is a job well done. I love how you took something from a song and made it your very own. The only thing I really didn't like was how you said "the orange man had me, though he was not orange at all." I know you were transitioning and using the orange man because it meant something to you, but it just irked me for you to say the orange man had me, but he wasn't orange at all. Its just pet peeves for me. But I do know why you did it, and it doesn't make this any less to me, its just the way I think.

    P.S. I love the Dresden Dolls
    | Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by groovycay | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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