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Roleplay | Viral news today | Music Theory

A PROBLEM WITH MY DESTINATION

Author:	slntfirflm
ASL Info:	26/F/CA
Elite Ratio:	5.76 - 301 /331 /93
Words:	148

Class/Type:	Poetry /Misc
Total Views:	1739
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1520

Description:

....thoughts? i tried a new style.

A PROBLEM WITH MY DESTINATION

I am giving a
des-
tin-
a-
tion,
to where I must
end.

The
prob-
lem though
is still not
sol-
ved.

I am following
that
li-
ne,
let me venture
to that path;
in-
stead.

People seem to
un-
der-
stand that
des-
crip-
tion.
As well as I,
to wh-
ich
the problem is
not sol-
ved.

As every plan is
made quite
cle-
ar,
Nothing seems
to make
sen-
se.
No plans
any-
more.

I lost track of
time.
My feet seem to
have dis-
app-
eared.

I am giving a
des-
tin-
a-
tion,
to where I must
end.

The
prob-
lem though
is still not
sol-
ved.

Submitted on 2006-05-18 19:08:50 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments

trippy.. little bit hard to read.. i not sure if i missed something..

"Though that problem seems solved

Giving that description made of disappeared destination"

This line stands alone as very cool......
"I lost track of
time.
My feet seem to
have dis-
app-
eared."

shuan
dammit!.... shaun
(I refuse to delete anything)

| Posted on 2006-05-29 00:00:00 | by shanu | [ Reply to This ]

Hey Jessie,
Long time no seen, Haven't been online for quite some time, Just wanted to check out some of your latest work.

This indeed is some kind of experiement and when i did think that i understand why you broke certain words, i got lost again because certain other breaks didn't really relate to what i was thinking.

To me it was a break between time to reflect upon your journey because in the end you are lost and you don't know the path that you need to take. I felt that you wanted to highlight the destination point but then you broke "which" and i didn't really know why you did that.

It was a good experiment which tried to highlight your emotions through breaking up words. Still, i found this to be a very nice write....Anyhow, take care until we meet again.
Irina

| Posted on 2006-05-23 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]

Jesie, an interesting experiment you have going on here. I assume you've been reading some cummings.
As I was reading this, I Was trying to make sense of why and where you broke your line. Some times you do it on syllables, some times you do it between vowels... sometimes I see no reason at all. Some times the breaks are very good. Like:
"Li (lie)
ne"

0r

"Sol (soul?)
ved"

They are evocative... intriguing.

Others seem... less so. Like:

"Sen
se"

I don't see a particular reason for that break. It isn't a two syllable word... there is no half or alternative meaning given too it by doing so. When enjambment is used in a poem, it usually is done to give interest and meaning. It's something to keep in mind as you continue to experiment with this.

Good work.

| Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]

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A PROBLEM WITH MY DESTINATION

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A PROBLEM WITH MY DESTINATION

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