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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A PROBLEM WITH MY DESTINATIONdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: slntfirflm
    ASL Info:    26/F/CA
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 301/331/93
    Words: 148
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1043
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1520



    Description:
       ....thoughts? i tried a new style.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA PROBLEM WITH MY DESTINATIONdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I am giving a
    des-
    tin-
    a-
    tion,
    to where I must
    end.

    The
    prob-
    lem though
    is still not
    sol-
    ved.

    I am following
    that
    li-
    ne,
    let me venture
    to that path;
    in-
    stead.

    People seem to
    un-
    der-
    stand that
    des-
    crip-
    tion.

    As well as I,
    to wh-
    ich
    the problem is
    not sol-
    ved.

    As every plan is
    made quite
    cle-
    ar,
    Nothing seems
    to make
    sen-
    se.
    No plans
    any-
    more.

    I lost track of
    time.
    My feet seem to
    have dis-
    app-
    eared.


    I am giving a
    des-
    tin-
    a-
    tion,

    to where I must
    end.

    The
    prob-
    lem though
    is still not
    sol-
    ved.






    Submitted on 2006-05-18 19:08:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      trippy.. little bit hard to read.. i not sure if i missed something..

    "Though that problem seems solved

    Giving that description made of disappeared destination"

    This line stands alone as very cool......
    "I lost track of
    time.
    My feet seem to
    have dis-
    app-
    eared."

    shuan
    dammit!.... shaun
    (I refuse to delete anything)
    | Posted on 2006-05-29 00:00:00 | by shanu | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Jessie,
    Long time no seen, Haven't been online for quite some time, Just wanted to check out some of your latest work.

    This indeed is some kind of experiement and when i did think that i understand why you broke certain words, i got lost again because certain other breaks didn't really relate to what i was thinking.

    To me it was a break between time to reflect upon your journey because in the end you are lost and you don't know the path that you need to take. I felt that you wanted to highlight the destination point but then you broke "which" and i didn't really know why you did that.

    It was a good experiment which tried to highlight your emotions through breaking up words. Still, i found this to be a very nice write....Anyhow, take care until we meet again.
    Irina
    | Posted on 2006-05-23 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      Jesie, an interesting experiment you have going on here. I assume you've been reading some cummings.
    As I was reading this, I Was trying to make sense of why and where you broke your line. Some times you do it on syllables, some times you do it between vowels... sometimes I see no reason at all. Some times the breaks are very good. Like:
    "Li (lie)
    ne"

    0r

    "Sol (soul?)
    ved"

    They are evocative... intriguing.

    Others seem... less so. Like:

    "Sen
    se"

    I don't see a particular reason for that break. It isn't a two syllable word... there is no half or alternative meaning given too it by doing so. When enjambment is used in a poem, it usually is done to give interest and meaning. It's something to keep in mind as you continue to experiment with this.

    Good work.
    | Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]


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