Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Chapter 3: The dreamsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jslbabygirl101
    ASL Info:    18/f/ga
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 76/82/49
    Words: 326
    Class/Type: Story/Dark
    Total Views: 141
    Average Vote:    2.5000
    Bytes: 2110



    Description:
       This is chapter 3 of My story TORTURING THE SOULS. It si a mixture of horror, fantasy, another short story I read on here and a series I read called 'THE DAUGHTERS OF THE MOON.'


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsChapter 3: The dreamsdots
    -------------------------------------------


          " I wander what ' I foresaw you coming means?' Well, anyways time to sleep."

    ~ Several hours later~

    `" Jose, wake up dear it's time for breakfast."

    " Uh..."

    " Jose! It's time to change sides, oops, I mean er, um, hrm.... It's time for breastfast dear!"

    " Ugh.."

    " Jose, wake up! You stubborn littl eingrate! Your great great aunt warned you. Though she supplied you with yuor neclace and clothes and a 'safe house' I can still haunt your dreams."

    " Ugh, mom why do you sound like... THAT DEMON?!" `

    You jump up and take a showerto try to throw off your nightmares but they still run through your head.

    " Ack, why can't I get those nightmares out of my head?"

    All of a sudden your great great aunt appears and says,

    " The nightmares will run through your head for at least a week. But the good news is in the mean time you won't hear from him."

    " Good news? Forgive me great great aunt, but how in the HECK is there any good news out of all this?"

    " Ah, my child this may be a bad situation for you but never give up hope. For HoPe is the key to winning this battle."

    " Hope?! Howis there any hope when all is lost?"

    ~ Plops on bed~

    " There is hope child, you have to believe there is."

    you start to say something but she disappears.

    " Ugh."

    You walk down the stiars to the kitchen when you slip and hit your head and become unconcious.

    " Ugh, what happened?"

    " You fell down the stairs and busted your head open."

    " Uh, great it's you again."

    " Hey, be greatful I am not trying to kill you right now."




    Submitted on 2006-05-18 21:56:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with KimmyKatt that if your trying to make this a horror story, it is sounding more like a comedy or parody of a demon story. And I have a hard wit the Jose character, because how the f.uck can he not be scared that some demon is coming after him. Plus he doesn't even sound surprised that he's a witch. I'd be like "HOLY S.HIT!!! I'M A WITCH!!!" Yeah thats what I think could be improved about this story. It started creepy and spine tingling in the first chapter but now its starting to sound more like an unserious comedic horror story. I really like your idea with the story but you should try to make it a little more scary instead of unserious. Sorry if i sound kinda harsh, but i'm just trying to help.

    peace
    | Posted on 2006-05-20 00:00:00 | by Faith_Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      I am having a harder and harder time with this story as it goes further along. The premise is good, but the things that happen aren't believable. Is it supposed to be comedic or farcical? Jose doesn't seem to be feeling any fear here about being chased by demons and finding out he's a witch. Why is that?
    | Posted on 2006-05-19 00:00:00 | by KimmyKatt | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.