Improvs on the run # 2 - A pair of pants has never
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another improv ..and a slight indication of my opinion of the Bush regime and the Fox network ( no .. not Americans .. .. not the people, the cities , the states or even the regions .. no .. not even the country or the land .. the STATES .. in direct connection with the Greek state, with the Roman empire and with the bundes republic ... take that was you want it is not meant to offend you ..simply meant to show you a prophetic vision of where things are going and where they are ) ..This is also a Didactic type poem , and although romantics and epics often would like to claim that this is not a proper genre of poetry .. I disagree with that notion ..
Improvs on the run # 2 - A pair of pants has never
Felt so good Amazon global bites settle as tangible ideas after wathing Fox for too long the cracked insides rusty corners of the biggest name in News self proclaimed wall bearer 'Terrorism is out there as a potential for us so ok we have someone behind bars now whether they agree or not on the specifics, the details , well ..umh .. we should focus on the safety of our nation freedom of people and heads WARNING Our people are getting a bit complacent LEVEL ORANGE they're still out to get us TERROR ALERT: ELEVATED birds chirping in my back yard birds of Sophia in raven suits crunching apple seeds in sharp beaks populist individuals, like a Venezuelan leader, tagged as mosquitobiters but drawing allot of blood - mostly in the form of internal bleeding and stomach ulcers South American bugs can be lethal Chaves, a thorn in the side of the States wants to sell F-16's to Iran Castro probably rubbing his hands probably lighting a pussy soaked cigar as america nervously rumbles needing that south american oil while China , India, Russia and the likes of Iran and Saudia Arabia are tying global webs to trip the big bully's obese legs ALERT, WARNING CODE ORANGE SOAKED RED AROUND THE EDGES TERROR ALERT : ELEVATED something is gonna happen at some point, at some time, somewhere so look sharp |
Submitted on 2006-05-19 02:19:24 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| Your work is always interesting and I like this one the homonym play on words in mosquitobiters works well 'Moscow biters' yeah. And ALERT, WARNING CODE ORANGE SOAKED RED AROUND THE EDGES is definately ominous. So do you think they are going in? I have a bad habit of reading poetry while I'm walking along the pavement. I will read anywhere. So there I am reading your poem and I have just read something is gonna happen at some point, at some time, somewhere so look sharp look up and the multi-story car park has disappeared - all that is left is a little shelled out corner. End of the World - Spooky... for a moment that is until reality set in and pointed out that Bristol is undergoing major redevelopment and that car park is on the building site. hugs nessie | Posted on 2006-05-26 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ] | I realize this is just and improv so I'm not going to be harsh because I feel that these Ideas need much more development. I also realize that the point in writing your improvs is a lack of time and for a while now many of my posts have been all or in part stream of conscious. I like the mention of terror alert high like it's a wether report. Sunny skies with a chance of anthrax. I figure if someone is going to critize you for you viewpoint rather than your writing then let them get offended. Sorry for babbling anyway about your poem...Felt so good | Amazon global bites settle as tangible ideas after wathing Fox for too long the cracked insides rusty corners of the biggest name in News self proclaimed wall bearer 'Terrorism is out there as a potential for us The part above flows nicely it's more objective than the staza that follows so ok we have someone behind bars now whether they agree or not on the specifics, the details , well ..umh .. we should focus on the safety of our nation freedom of people and heads WARNING Our people are getting a bit complacent LEVEL ORANGE they're still out to get us TERROR ALERT: ELEVATED birds chirping in my back yard birds of Sophia in raven suits crunching apple seeds in sharp beaks" In the first of these you used the heads at the end of a line and although I think I undrstand what you meant it could be said more clearly I suspect the reason for using it was to create a internal rhyme simulating the lines above but it just doesn't flow as well. I really like everything about this line "TERROR ALERT: ELEVATED" I pops up like a weather report in the corner of your screen or like one of those storm warnings scrolling on the bottom of your screen. it lends itself stylistically to a performance poet. The birds while it a nice metaphor just doesn't fit enough. Unless I misinterpreted sophia is meant to be angelic however this could also easily be the name of a T.V. persona I don't watch T.V. and since switching to third shift a year ago like you I'm pressed for time. My car broke down so I have been biking for two moths and although I'm going to fix it I say screw those greedy gas merchants I'm going to keep riding and walking to work and everywhere else until it gets to cold. The rest of the poem seems more gathered the internal rhyme is regrasped and the rest flows smothly. Then dual meaning of allot/a lot used in context because it shows me that the words you using are just as important to you as what you're saying. I too place an emphasis on which words I use becasue it adds a magical elemnt to my spoken word when read. Okay so basically there are like and dislikes. I'm sure you'll work when you have the time. I'm off work for tonight and I'm a fan of your work so I stopped by. Peace | Posted on 2006-05-25 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ] | Hey. | I thought this peice was interesting. Different - which is good. What I really picked up was irritation and frustration. I liked the part about the birds chirping, I'm not sure if you ment that to be literal or a symbol for something. But as far as "fox" news or anyother mass media coverage, I don't even pay attention anymore because they've pissed me off time & again. And plus I never bothered buying a t.v. Other than that, like I said I thought this peice was interesting although it left me wondering if there's anything new & exciting going on in the world today without hearing it from cnn. Keep it up. Later | Posted on 2006-05-19 00:00:00 | by vohomegirl | [ Reply to This ] | |
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