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    dots Submission Name: Embark, Holding Handsdots

    Author: CleoCollier
    ASL Info:    40/F/South
    Elite Ratio:    4.44 - 83/84/26
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1126
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 770

       I was imagining what my dear Aunt would've told me about the kind of man who lay in my future, & to make sure I didn't miss him. She guided things from heaven, I have no doubt. If anyone could give a gift of romance & love, she would!

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    dotsEmbark, Holding Handsdots

    Find the man who tickles your soul,
    Eyes lock like a compass to the magnetic pole.
    Subliminal wishes come quick to the lips,
    Ports always open for the cachet of ships.
    A pilot with paramount powers to guide
    And knowledge of where the dread maelstroms hide-
    He carries a crew powerful for its size,
    A king of a captain, with snapping brown eyes
    A thaumaturgist who creates brilliant turquoise skies
    A chef who's each dish is a sensuous dream-
    They synergize into one seamless team.
    Blessed is the woman for whom this ship docks.
    (This line, admit it, compels the word cock!)
    Unfurl the banner; for love has come in
    The constellations are smiling, the voyage can begin!

    Submitted on 2006-05-19 08:04:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      My thoughts when reading this brings out certain conclusions at what to look at in a man:
    humour, someone who can guide you and is knowledgable, leadership kind of person who can cook but somehow what made it so important was the sex part. So what a woman should be looking for is good sex. True to some point but not all that big of a deal although to some people it would mean the world.

    Somehow to me, it wasn't really anything to do about love. it was more about what to look forward for in a man. that was it nothing more. It was more of an advice piece. I didn't really enjoy your sense of humour by putting in the brackets and saying:
    (This line, admit it, compels the word cock!)
    Although it was an experiment, to me it didn't really much work because you haven't been humourous throughout the piece.

    Still, i did enjoy the words and the meaning behind it ( hopefully, i did get the meaning right) and i do hope to see more of your work soon.
    Take care....
    | Posted on 2006-05-19 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      Heh, I'm not sure whether this is meant to be humerous or not... but your use of punctuation sort of makes it so. I liked the beginning... along with the over all idea but the rhyming just made it sort of sound childish. I think what yoiu were trying to go for here was more of serious and loving... maybe I'm wrong.

    'The constellations are smiling, the voyage can begin!'

    Was a great line, exclude the punctuation mark at the end. Made it seem a little peurile.

    '(This line, admit it, compels the word cock!)'

    Did not do this poem any justice. It's sort of like a love poem... merging on the side of peurility... but this line just made me perk a brow, like you're trying to make it erotic? Or humerous?

    Sorry for my lack of optimism with this review... I just think this poem could be done much better. Take care.
    | Posted on 2006-05-19 00:00:00 | by Rask | [ Reply to This ]

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