Description: A poem I wrote years back and completely revamped just now. I hated the original poem it seems...it was just not good enough anymore. So I keep the title, and the theme and spiced it up from it's plain and predictable form. I tried out this new format thingy, I hope it worked. Enjoy.
Rain On Me -------------------------------------------
on the tip of
my famished soul
to the sweet
taste of love...
wow. wasn't expecting anything like this from the title. i was expecting something sad. this was good though. that last line really wrapped it up well cuz i am pretty addictive. and i used to drink sugar water as a kid.
This is really good. Even though its only a few lines short, each word seems to have been carefully thought out and chosen to perfectly describe everything. I really like the you part at the beginning and the end line. That i think really made the poem hell of a lot more powerful, nice write. I love the way you describe love as rain and the drops and suger laced, that seems to have a meaning hidden behind it and i really enyoy that. Hell of a nice write.
I couldn't agree more with what Jason said. The title and poem are like a puzzle, and in this case, they both fit in perfectly. I liked your clear word choice, as it helped create vivid imagery. Please pray that the expected drought doesn't hit here
this poem was almost perfect. It's composition, while simple, spoke from the heart to the heart of the reader. Th imagery you used was brilliant, almost allowing the reader to feel the purity of the love held for the subject by the writer. I like who you kept the piece short and sweet, allowing it to become simple yet beautiful. Very nice job!!!