Description: A poem I wrote years back and completely revamped just now. I hated the original poem it seems...it was just not good enough anymore. So I keep the title, and the theme and spiced it up from it's plain and predictable form. I tried out this new format thingy, I hope it worked. Enjoy.
Rain On Me -------------------------------------------
You...
Sugar
laced
droplets
that
fall
on the tip of
my tongue
refreshing
my famished soul
percolating
my palate
to the sweet
taste of love...
wow. wasn't expecting anything like this from the title. i was expecting something sad. this was good though. that last line really wrapped it up well cuz i am pretty addictive. and i used to drink sugar water as a kid.
This is really good. Even though its only a few lines short, each word seems to have been carefully thought out and chosen to perfectly describe everything. I really like the you part at the beginning and the end line. That i think really made the poem hell of a lot more powerful, nice write. I love the way you describe love as rain and the drops and suger laced, that seems to have a meaning hidden behind it and i really enyoy that. Hell of a nice write.
aww this is one sweet poem. short and sweet too. it gives me some glimps of hope to love again. i am still hurting and this poem makes me feel that i can one day love again. nice work.
this is yummy Trina! i like the way you've bookended your italic words. i have a few suggestions, if i may...? here's how i might set it up:
Sugar-laced droplets that fall on the tip of my tongue refreshing my famished soul percolating (you have a "u" instead of an "o") my palate to the sweet taste of love...
always just suggestions, 'cause you know i love your stuff, girl!!
How beautiful, and very poetic. I like how you sandwich the middle inbetween italic start and finish. Nice touch. I agree, the title fits this piece quite well.
Ah, "sugar laced droplets.. perculating my palate to the sweet taste of love. "- That's what this poem does to me
I couldn't agree more with what Jason said. The title and poem are like a puzzle, and in this case, they both fit in perfectly. I liked your clear word choice, as it helped create vivid imagery. Please pray that the expected drought doesn't hit here
this poem was almost perfect. It's composition, while simple, spoke from the heart to the heart of the reader. Th imagery you used was brilliant, almost allowing the reader to feel the purity of the love held for the subject by the writer. I like who you kept the piece short and sweet, allowing it to become simple yet beautiful. Very nice job!!!
Italics... nice touch Maggie, made those lines read real subtle like. I like this piece. And I really thought the title went real well with the write. Nice use of imagery too.
Keep up the good work Thanks so much for sharing this
Submission Name: Rain On Me
