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Rain On Me


Author: Magnolia Steele
ASL Info:    30/female/Northwest CA
Elite Ratio:    4.71 - 2492 /1825 /232
Words: 53
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1563
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 411



Description:


A poem I wrote years back and completely revamped just now. I hated the original poem it seems...it was just not good enough anymore. So I keep the title, and the theme and spiced it up from it's plain and predictable form. I tried out this new format thingy, I hope it worked. Enjoy.


Rain On Me



You...

Sugar
laced
droplets
that
fall
on the tip of
my tongue
refreshing
my famished soul
percolating
my palate
to the sweet
taste of love...

I can never get enough of you.








Submitted on 2006-05-19 11:01:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  wow. wasn't expecting anything like this from the title. i was expecting something sad. this was good though. that last line really wrapped it up well cuz i am pretty addictive. and i used to drink sugar water as a kid.
| Posted on 2006-05-29 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
  This is really good. Even though its only a few lines short, each word seems to have been carefully thought out and chosen to perfectly describe everything. I really like the you part at the beginning and the end line. That i think really made the poem hell of a lot more powerful, nice write. I love the way you describe love as rain and the drops and suger laced, that seems to have a meaning hidden behind it and i really enyoy that. Hell of a nice write.

peace
| Posted on 2006-05-20 00:00:00 | by Faith_Disease | [ Reply to This ]
  aww this is one sweet poem. short and sweet too. it gives me some glimps of hope to love again. i am still hurting and this poem makes me feel that i can one day love again. nice work.

love suzi
| Posted on 2006-05-20 00:00:00 | by sushi wok | [ Reply to This ]
  this is yummy Trina! i like the way you've bookended your italic words. i have a few suggestions, if i may...? here's how i might set it up:

Sugar-laced
droplets
that
fall
on the tip
of my tongue
refreshing
my famished soul
percolating (you have a "u" instead of an "o")
my palate
to the sweet
taste of love...

always just suggestions, 'cause you know i love your stuff, girl!!

love,
~Cat
| Posted on 2006-05-19 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  How beautiful, and very poetic. I like how you sandwich the middle inbetween italic start and finish. Nice touch. I agree, the title fits this piece quite well.

Ah, "sugar laced droplets.. perculating my palate to the sweet taste of love. "- That's what this poem does to me

Very good work here!!
| Posted on 2006-05-19 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
  I couldn't agree more with what Jason said. The title and poem are like a puzzle, and in this case, they both fit in perfectly. I liked your clear word choice, as it helped create vivid imagery. Please pray that the expected drought doesn't hit here

Abbas
| Posted on 2006-05-19 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
  this poem was almost perfect. It's composition, while simple, spoke from the heart to the heart of the reader. Th imagery you used was brilliant, almost allowing the reader to feel the purity of the love held for the subject by the writer. I like who you kept the piece short and sweet, allowing it to become simple yet beautiful. Very nice job!!!

Meow!!!
| Posted on 2006-05-19 00:00:00 | by lynxstarfire | [ Reply to This ]
  Italics... nice touch Maggie, made those lines read real subtle like. I like this piece.
And I really thought the title went real well with the write. Nice use of imagery too.

Keep up the good work
Thanks so much for sharing this

Take care
Later

Jason
| Posted on 2006-05-19 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]


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