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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: To Be Provendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: charmedidentity
    ASL Info:    23/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    6.9 - 864/897/406
    Words: 154
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1157
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1004



    Description:
       I know i haven't been online for quite some time now. Been really busy with exams. I didn't even get time to sit down and write something. Anyhow,i did today and it's about my perception on what has been going on these last few weeks.
    Enjoy.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTo Be Provendots
    -------------------------------------------


    Tear up the layers
    Discover the knowledge
    All that was buried within
    Unravels itself in one session
    As the year flew the moments by
    Never noticing the true reason
    Yet reason has come to me today
    To be proven worthy of a possession

    And the possession does not lie
    As well as it cannot be touched
    It can only be felt at the last moment
    When the results of a year’s worth
    Revealed in the eyes of a believer

    And the believer will realize
    Every moment of every day
    Wasted or cherished
    Can be burnt or framed on a wall
    Joy remembered or sorrow forgotten

    Break through the bricks
    And move on to the next stage
    Succeed the most challenged
    Never underestimate simplicity
    As the year flew the moments by
    The thoughts never stop floating
    What has happened and what will
    To be proven my worthiness to others




    Submitted on 2006-05-19 15:22:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Tear(ing through) layers
    Discover(ing) knowledge
    All that was buried within
    Unravel(ed) itself in one session
    (In a moment, (a) year flew by
    (T)he true reason, (unnoticed)
    Yet reason has come
    To prove me worthy (to) possess

    And the possession does not lie
    (Neither can it) be touched
    It can only be felt (in the) moment
    (A) year’s labor (is revealed)
    (I)n the eyes of a believer

    And the believer will realize
    Every moment, (each) day
    (May be w)asted or cherished
    Burnt or framed on a wall;
    Joy remembered or sorrow forgotten

    Break through the bricks
    And move to the next stage
    (Overcome new) challenge(s)
    Never underestimate simplicity
    In a moment, a year flew by
    (T)houghts never stopped floating
    (What may happen, what has been)
    (P)rove m(e) worth(y) to others


    It has been a very long time since you've posted, Irina (too long, actually), so I hope my suggested revisions don't frighten you away. Naturally, you can use or discard these suggestions as you see fit; but the piece itself seemed a bit rushed and in need of a rewrite.

    The fact you've made it to the milestone of high school graduation (which I assume you're alluding to in 'move to the next stage') is one that deserves congratulations. Props to you!

    If you decide to revise or edit this post, please let me know so I can give it another look. The value of education is truly how effectively it's used outside the classroom.

    Take care of yourself, Irina.
    Bill
    | Posted on 2006-05-19 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


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    103992

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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