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    dots Submission Name: Falling shortdots

    Author: Metal Heart74
    Elite Ratio:    5.12 - 72/61/17
    Words: 56
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 860
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 402

       I have no luck at love

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFalling shortdots

    Path alone
    Nighttime blackness creeping
    Void where the heart once was
    Still the beats
    echo in the night
    Falling short, hard to stop
    Grasping for rock
    and finding ice
    trapped in my hole
    alone and tired
    my spirit broken
    I give up now
    and retire to the darkness

    Submitted on 2006-05-19 20:46:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think this is a well written poem. You have expressed your thoughts well in this piece and I think lots of people feel this way. Love is something very difficult and complicated and I think we as people tend to make it even more complicated, why....I dunno! But, this poem really gives the reader some good insight into your feelings as well as the frustration and sense of loneliness that this poem expresses. I like the way your form helps to emphasize certain feelings and words by puting them alone on their own line. I think that is very effective. This is a very well written poem. Best of luck to you in the future!Take care.

    | Posted on 2006-05-30 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Its seems like you are talking only about giving up like you cant push on anymore nor do you want to, all you want is to give up. So it relates to alot of people in life how they always give up without even wanting to try and push the extra mile. Good write
    | Posted on 2006-05-19 00:00:00 | by Thirst4Serenity | [ Reply to This ]

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