Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Falling shortdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Metal Heart74
    Elite Ratio:    5.12 - 72/61/17
    Words: 56
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 829
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 402



    Description:
       I have no luck at love


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFalling shortdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Path alone
    dark
    remorse
    Nighttime blackness creeping
    Void where the heart once was
    Still the beats
    echo in the night
    silence
    broken
    Falling short, hard to stop
    Grasping for rock
    and finding ice
    trapped in my hole
    alone and tired
    my spirit broken
    I give up now
    and retire to the darkness




    Submitted on 2006-05-19 20:46:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think this is a well written poem. You have expressed your thoughts well in this piece and I think lots of people feel this way. Love is something very difficult and complicated and I think we as people tend to make it even more complicated, why....I dunno! But, this poem really gives the reader some good insight into your feelings as well as the frustration and sense of loneliness that this poem expresses. I like the way your form helps to emphasize certain feelings and words by puting them alone on their own line. I think that is very effective. This is a very well written poem. Best of luck to you in the future!Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-05-30 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Its seems like you are talking only about giving up like you cant push on anymore nor do you want to, all you want is to give up. So it relates to alot of people in life how they always give up without even wanting to try and push the extra mile. Good write
    | Posted on 2006-05-19 00:00:00 | by Thirst4Serenity | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    104031

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry