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Beautiful woman


Author: Ramneet
ASL Info:    33/F/Boston
Elite Ratio:    2.94 - 272 /107 /55
Words: 441
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1320
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1297



Description:


I think of all the loves in this world,the love of mother for her kid is the most stable.It is selfless.It is really amazing.God has created such a creature and he actually represents himself through Her.I really wonder at His creation and also pay my gratitude to Him for blessing us with Her.


Beautiful woman



Beautiful woman
with ambrosial beauty
on a divine face.


Old woman
wrinkles on the face and plump body
with beauty of uncoditional and immaculate love.

Beautiful soul
with beauty of love and eternal relationship.

Love no boundaries.
Deep like a ocean.
Always flowing like a brook.


Creator of life.
Life’s journey starts from Her.
Makes a man Human.
Supreme of all.


Warmth and strength in Her love
makes life beautiful.
Happy moments,treasured memories and shared sorrows
with Her.
She is the best friend.


She does magic making in kitchen.
Her love is felt in the taste and aroma of Her food.
She is the best cook in the world.

The charisma on Her face
is the beauty of Her love.

This beautiful woman is your MOTHER.




Submitted on 2006-05-20 15:45:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  this is a nice poem, you have a good idea going on here but even thought it was nice and very sweet I feel like it was missing something. Dont get me wrong I think that this is a good poem but you kinda lost the passion in the end and just stated who you were talking about. What I would suggest is that you would do so more tenderly and say something more like

that love that is spoken with a word
is manifested through a beautiful woman called mom

but in the end its your choice and how you feel about the piece (mind you this is only a suggestion) i hope that everthing goes well and thanks for the good read I really liked this

andrea
| Posted on 2006-05-22 00:00:00 | by ladydeathstrike | [ Reply to This ]
  The first part of this was really sweet, and I liked it a lot. Then the problems starts arising, it looses momentum. The passion in which you start of with slowly slips away, and you end up just stating subjective facts (if such exist).
The last line is an absolute no go. Ending a poem with a punch-line is something that is common, but it really is bad poetry (I have a hard time calling it poetry at all). After junior high the urge to punch-lines should be out of your system. It only indicates that what you have written is not enough, and you need to explain things. If this is the case, you have either not done you job well enough, or the reader is thick as a plank. In this case you have done your job, and when you come to the last line, we know it is a/your mother you are talking about. The firm indication in the stanza:

Creator of life.
Life’s journey starts from Her.
Makes a man Human.
Supreme of all.

Is enough to let us know who is being praised. You can actually improve on this by letting go of one line.

As to the content, the last part of this, I am a bit ambivalent towards. I see that you are describing a mother, but the way is a bit: ‘back to the kitchen’ like. This might just be me.

Anyhow, a sweet and promising start, which you can work on. There is some real potential in it.

All best,
-tZar
| Posted on 2006-07-24 00:00:00 | by tZar | [ Reply to This ]


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