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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Divorcé at 5amdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: _taateli_
    ASL Info:    18/F/Finland
    Elite Ratio:    4.78 - 84/113/29
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1078
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 799



    Description:
       and here i thought i'd get all the cool stuff.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDivorcé at 5amdots
    -------------------------------------------


    "oh shit"

    does it again hide
    under the bed and cry?
    leaving a trail
    one can smell
    (it’s the loneliness, you know)
    no-one sees
    or hears
    or tastes
    or feels
    just smells
              the bitter
    scent of a lonely
    figure
    hidden under the bed
    choking on its blanket
    blinded by the smoke
    of the cigarettes
    and the yesterday's liquor
    on the floor
    in a new substance (you know?)
    and a torso spread around
    oopsie, the figure under the bed –
              it died.
    (it must’ve died)

    [please don’t die]




    Submitted on 2006-05-20 16:56:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "oh [censored]"

    does it again hide
    under the bed and cry?
    leaving a trail
    one can smell
    (it’s the loneliness, you know)
    no-one sees
    or hears
    or tastes
    or feels
    just smells
    the bitter
    scent of a lonely
    figure
    hidden under the bed
    choking on [a] blanket
    blinded by the smoke
    of cigarettes
    and [yesterday's] liquor
    on the floor
    in a new substance (you know?)
    and a torso spread around
    oopsie, the figure under the bed –
    it died.
    (it must’ve died)

    [please don’t die]


    Very well written homage to loneliness (divorced or otherwise) and the detached awareness/lack of awareness associated with numbing pain. An interesting (self) reference to dehumanization ('a torso spread around,' 'the figure under the bed,' 'a new substance,' etc.), layered in fresh pain.

    I've picked my nits in the brackets above. Otherwise, very nicely done.

    Take care.
    Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-05-21 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      haha. the wonderful life of.. what? every kid? i loved this. dont die.. dont hide
    | Posted on 2006-05-20 00:00:00 | by thehappyfaery | [ Reply to This ]


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    104097

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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