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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Conversation (talking to the wall)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BrokenStream
    ASL Info:    019/f/NC
    Elite Ratio:    2.93 - 83/89/66
    Words: 185
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 763
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1100



    Description:
       basically when someone takes you for granted and treats you wrong, they try to justify their wrongs and they can't


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsConversation (talking to the wall)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Do you think you deserve my attention
    after all the things you put me through
    I was strong when I was weak
    I was holding onto something that
    I think already let me go
    Now I stand before you
    and I want to fall down

    Answer me
    Tell me after all of this should I still believe?
    That I should be with you
    after you ignored me
    You are to blame

    Our conversations would mean
    everything to this small girl
    You let her down when she needed you the most
    and now you look at her with a smile
    just so tears could flow and she is under
    the dread of your spell
    Even if I hold you
    would that make up for everything?
    I can't let go of all the hell you put me through

    Answer me
    Tell me after all of this should I still believe
    That I should be with you
    after you ignored me
    Forever to lose
    what you had of me
    which was everything....

    Nothing....Guess I am still talking to the wall




    Submitted on 2006-05-20 20:29:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like the subject matter. It is very relatable, but I don't think that the context is very original. The word choice was bland. You need to revise a little and spice things up by using a more developed vocabulary. I know that this is like a narrative, but it feels like it has a lot of emotional ties in your life. I think that is the only thing that saves it from being just plain boring.
    LeAnna
    | Posted on 2006-05-21 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]
      This is...wow! I'm never gonna be that good in lyrics. I've already figured a tune to this as I read it for the first time! I was thinking of changing some bits a bit though.

    "Do you think you deserve my attention
    after all the things you put me through
    I was strong when I was weak
    I was holding onto something that
    I think already let me go
    Now I stand before you
    and I want to fall down"

    to

    "Do you think you deserve my attention
    After all the things you put me through
    I was strong, I was weak
    I was holding on, (I guess some tune in here before next line)
    But I think you've already let me go"

    Now I stand right before you
    And I want to fall down
    I was brave, I was scared
    I kept going on (Some tune in here before next line)
    But I guess its time to say 'good bye'"

    (Then on with the chorus.)

    Well its just my suggestion, but you have to keep writing! This is a great piece, so thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2006-05-20 00:00:00 | by RyukiTZR | [ Reply to This ]


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