[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: betrayaldots

    Author: sushi wok
    ASL Info:    19/f/australia
    Elite Ratio:    4.12 - 64/67/13
    Words: 148
    Class/Type: Poetry/Betrayal
    Total Views: 900
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 922


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I dreamt of a never ending story.
    A story of friendship,
    meant to last forever.
    For all eternity.
    I was ready to change.
    I did it for you,
    For me,
    For us.

    You tricked me once,
    You fooled me twice.
    I gave you everything.
    If I could,
    I would have given the world to you.
    I looked at you,
    All I saw was nothing.
    I noticed you disappearing,
    And now you’re gone.

    You were the apple of my eye,
    And now it rots.
    The core, the blackest of blacks,
    Is the color of my heart.
    You fed me with lies for so long,
    Now they blossom inside,
    the petals of sharp glass,
    Cutting me from the inside.

    Friends do not lie,
    nor do they pretend and betray,
    you are all that and more
    but I still care and forgive you.

    Submitted on 2006-05-21 00:20:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Betryal does truly sick and I am one that has been there too many times before. I had one best friend from since 4th grade who went out with my boyfriend someone who I had loved for four years and then a best friend that I have known since we were in diaprs and she betrayed me by chosing her boyfriend over me at which point my sister a little before her did the same thing. I think I know about betryal pretty well. I did forgave but I am no longer in touch with them. Just one of them the one that I have known since kindergarden and preschool. Its tough I know and you put it so well together I liked it alot!!! Keep it up.

    | Posted on 2006-06-01 00:00:00 | by POETRY | [ Reply to This ]
      Ouch betrayal sucks but we all go through it...I'm not trying to sound apathetic to your poem or whatever happened that made you feel betrayed...I'm guessing it was a boyfriend.
    This was okay, I think it would make better if you made it a short story because it didn't work as a poem. Anyway, keep writing.

    | Posted on 2006-05-21 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      Betrayal, something you see everday in this world. Something you can't escape, because it is all too common. The people who you trust most can betray you, or the person you love the most. A lot of times people hurt the one they love, and betrayal is just one type of hurt. I really liked this part of your poem "You fed me with lies for so long,
    Now they blossom inside,
    the petals of sharp glass,
    Cutting me from the inside."
    I thought that was really creative. Nice work
    | Posted on 2006-07-09 00:00:00 | by MurphyGirl44 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]