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    dots Submission Name: Bleeding for Youdots

    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 290
    Class/Type: Poetry/Vampire
    Total Views: 816
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1804


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBleeding for Youdots

    Skittering on the wind,
    breathing the heady scent of sin.
    Looking for a precious flower
    to sink my teeth in.

    The feted flame of hunger
    was flaring in my breast.
    When I got a whiff of pure demented bliss;
    Oh such rarefied vintage.

    A claret so dark and pure,
    and the package looked so sweet, so demure.
    I felt a trembling in places,
    that my blood lust desire,
    supposedly erases.

    Now this strange stirring,
    had no more than brought a smile to my lips.
    When I alighted and had my first hard look
    at the cause of all of it.

    Well mortal man may have his lust,
    but what creature is this?
    To have fashioned herself a temptress so radiant,
    as to ignite my undead vampire passion.

    To turn my pointed fangs from thought of feeding.
    To crave other than to see her bleeding,
    corpse and glazing sighs?
    My smoldering eyes grew hotter still.

    But it was not blood, upon which I whished
    to quench my need.
    For once again in eternity I desired to sheath,
    myself in torrid tormented cries of carnal ecstasy.

    And this little minx disguised in cloak of innocence,
    stuck her tongue out at me,
    and ’twas I who trembled in her clasp;
    And buried deep in wanton thrust it was I who gasped

    with glazing sighs and bled my seed, to fulfill her lust-
    ing womanly need.
    Then as it was a night for first.
    And I had hardly yet to slake this new thirst.

    I penned my number on a pad
    and told her I would be glad,
    to have her over at my castle

    Submitted on 2006-05-21 02:12:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      *I feel like a glass of wine suddenly, the redder the better* Damn, this was beautiful writing...I found myself, as usual with your poetry, using my dictionary. Your choice of words: "feted, claret, alighted," are quite fitting & unusual, gives this piece a unique, old-world feel. And you used the word *Minx!* I haven't seen that word used for a long time. Love it.

    Now, I also enjoy how this is mixed in emotions which is what I imagine a "feeding" would be like; the hunter becomes the hunted under "his" feelings for his prey, or lady-love. I see this as more than feeding, this is consumption of lust and blood, passion and desire. A give & take because by the title I get the feeling that the "hunter" is sacrificing something too--

    Rhyme, rhythm, structure: I can't find fault with anything that wouldn't be construed as personal preference. I think the stanzas all flow into each other nicely and are broken up where they need to be. This is superb writing of the *rarefied* kind :) Awesome.
    PeAcE, JeN~**
    | Posted on 2006-05-21 00:00:00 | by metalnymph | [ Reply to This ]

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