Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Bleeding for Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 290
    Class/Type: Poetry/Vampire
    Total Views: 706
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1804



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBleeding for Youdots
    -------------------------------------------




    Skittering on the wind,
    breathing the heady scent of sin.
    Looking for a precious flower
    to sink my teeth in.

    The feted flame of hunger
    was flaring in my breast.
    When I got a whiff of pure demented bliss;
    Oh such rarefied vintage.

    A claret so dark and pure,
    and the package looked so sweet, so demure.
    I felt a trembling in places,
    that my blood lust desire,
    supposedly erases.

    Now this strange stirring,
    had no more than brought a smile to my lips.
    When I alighted and had my first hard look
    at the cause of all of it.

    Well mortal man may have his lust,
    but what creature is this?
    To have fashioned herself a temptress so radiant,
    as to ignite my undead vampire passion.

    To turn my pointed fangs from thought of feeding.
    To crave other than to see her bleeding,
    corpse and glazing sighs?
    My smoldering eyes grew hotter still.

    But it was not blood, upon which I whished
    to quench my need.
    For once again in eternity I desired to sheath,
    myself in torrid tormented cries of carnal ecstasy.

    And this little minx disguised in cloak of innocence,
    stuck her tongue out at me,
    and ’twas I who trembled in her clasp;
    And buried deep in wanton thrust it was I who gasped

    with glazing sighs and bled my seed, to fulfill her lust-
    ing womanly need.
    Then as it was a night for first.
    And I had hardly yet to slake this new thirst.

    I penned my number on a pad
    and told her I would be glad,
    to have her over at my castle
    anytime.





    Submitted on 2006-05-21 02:12:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      *I feel like a glass of wine suddenly, the redder the better* Damn, this was beautiful writing...I found myself, as usual with your poetry, using my dictionary. Your choice of words: "feted, claret, alighted," are quite fitting & unusual, gives this piece a unique, old-world feel. And you used the word *Minx!* I haven't seen that word used for a long time. Love it.

    Now, I also enjoy how this is mixed in emotions which is what I imagine a "feeding" would be like; the hunter becomes the hunted under "his" feelings for his prey, or lady-love. I see this as more than feeding, this is consumption of lust and blood, passion and desire. A give & take because by the title I get the feeling that the "hunter" is sacrificing something too--

    Rhyme, rhythm, structure: I can't find fault with anything that wouldn't be construed as personal preference. I think the stanzas all flow into each other nicely and are broken up where they need to be. This is superb writing of the *rarefied* kind :) Awesome.
    PeAcE, JeN~**
    | Posted on 2006-05-21 00:00:00 | by metalnymph | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    104153

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Mystery Read written by kyserin

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry