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    dots Submission Name: Take up your Quill to Screamdots

    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 255
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 860
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1755


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTake up your Quill to Screamdots

    Quill me screams of wicked things
    that crawl between the walls.
    Scrawl me songs about the nightmare,
    that's creeping down the hall.

    Add a touch of Venom smolder,
    drooling from gaping slavered jaws.
    And don't forget the lover's tryst,
    when Jason comes to call.

    I want to die in the graveyard,
    where the living dead with rotting eyes,
    sit at tombstone tables, dealing cards
    and telling lies.

    Give me ghoulish Vampires,
    sipping pulsing warm sangre,
    from the necks of senioritis,
    so foolish as to lose their way.

    And please you must inform me,
    about your own sordid fray.
    What sinful thoughts compel Your wicked days?
    Do you indulge this lust?

    What did the piper make you pay?
    Are you still paying it today?
    Please clarify your sin, before you pass away.
    And as you cower in the night,

    groveling upon unholy ground.
    I fear I need inform you,
    so don't say I didn't warn you;
    there's a jolly monster lurking in your town.

    He's planning mayhem
    and slipping furtively around
    You have probably heard his cackling laughter,
    and know that it is you he's coming after.

    But all he really wants to do,
    is make sweet love to you--
    Well that and play pretty party


    with your lovely severed


    And with that thought,

    to think upon

    I will just leave you here...

    And be on....., my, merry, way.

    Submitted on 2006-05-21 17:09:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Well Dale, what a macabre piece, but not unfamiliar to your style. So what to say about the rhythm....
    Could it be better? The consensus is no. There was no abrupt, unwanted pausing and it keeps flowing along.
    The tone reminds me of Plath in her darker of days; it fits the morbid motif.

    There's so much I can pull from this poem to analyze. If it were on paper, it would be marked to death with analysis of the literary techniques you used - from metonymy to metaphor. You even code-switch, which I love.

    Hats off to ya.
    | Posted on 2006-05-21 00:00:00 | by Ziplock006 | [ Reply to This ]
      o wow- i congradulate u on this piece!! u know the ending of ur piece is almost the same way i ended another peom i perosnally wrote a couple months ago lol- just wanted to add that for ur ending intrigued me for that reason- i can pertain more to it.

    a haunting, dismal piece of pure seduction, melonchaly (my spel. bad lol).
    there is one thing that confused me, i can't tell if the narrator of this piece is in person person, second person or third person for it seems that u have used them all.
    ur use of the middle aged-genre of charecters and items is truly magnificent (im sory my spelling is awful today and i dont feel like using a dictionary-too lazy lol).
    lets c i looked up quill as i could have sworn quill was a type of bird, or a feather of a bird. but as i looked up the word it could be a many things from a spindle's yarn to anything sewing-like.
    the title kind of confuses me a bit- but i have been told i am very simple minded and naive so u'd have to just ignore that about me. ooo i think i get it now as i re-read it. ok then...

    anyway u can tell i enjoyed reading this piece of work, continnue writing and good luck to u
    | Posted on 2006-05-21 00:00:00 | by dannyshyboy | [ Reply to This ]

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