i love air. the imagery of nature in this poem is quite lovely. very nice write. the tone is very contemplative, and i must agree with the other comments; the style is very haiku-like. sort of leaves me breathless.
i really like this piece; i think this poem does justice to the song. in fact, i'm going to listen to air now.
Excellent poem here. I love the feelings of sadness this envokes in me. The feelings of an empty house full of nothing but ghosts and memories. I can see so clearly this picture of someone lost in thoughts of the past as a rainy day passes around them. Although it envokes feelings of sadness, it also ends with a little bit of hope. ALthough the protagonists "voice rises thin and weak" it still rises "against the quickening weather". To me this is talking about getting back on your feet and letting go of the past, or not letting it destroy you rather.
I could be way off in my interpretations but still, very nice writing.
Mara, this a nicely written piece. I think it might be a bit stronger if you loose just a few minor words. "listening to the" I'd forget 'the' in this line. It seems extraneous. One of the joys of asian poetry is the sparity of it... like the haiku. the less said to focus on the meaning and the image, the better. "I sing their song, too." I'd suggest loosing the 'too' here as well. For the same reason. I think paring down your language will add to the lonley feel as well, leaving the poem at it's most emotional and minimal. Just my thoughts.
Wow.... WOW! Beautiful! The peaceful loneliness of this, bittersweet comfort in the familiar things while lacking the support pillar that once made these focal points a back-drop.... This was so well set up, the words lending to the story and allowing you to see that departure which left the writer a shell, a void to be filled by storms and blossoms and memories.... Very wonderful writing!