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    dots Submission Name: Lonely Beach Songdots

    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1223
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 557


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLonely Beach Songdots

    A marine layer hangs low and thick
    as a cloudy cap pulled down over her eyes.
    It shades the view and mutes the sound of a memory.

    The melody of her water melancholy
    emerged riding on a broken shell that
    crashed with the breakers on the rocks.

    Dissonant notes reach inward at irregular rhythm.
    She wades in tears pooled by the receding passion tide,
    singing a song unheard except by the gulls and wind.

    It has a familiar feel, but she can't dance to it.

    Submitted on 2006-05-21 20:38:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this is beautiful and melancholy, a combination i can't help but love! very strong images... a lonely sea song, this. your last line is perfect, and i could see her wading through her tears, unable to dance to the melancholy song her heart sings.

    just lovely, Chrystine.

    | Posted on 2006-05-23 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      this was very nice. I kept wondering though if it might have been more interesting if you'd used 'I' instead of 'she'. but I thought of the shoreline and where I used to live on east coast. I miss the beach terribly. I used to go there to think or clear my head or just find new shells and pebbles to take home. there is a lake here, but it's just not the same! I think the ending of this poem is just perfect.
    | Posted on 2006-05-22 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very well said and written Chrystine
    This write has a life of its own
    It created a very serene feeling and I was completely relaxed reading this
    Excellent Job
    This is simply great
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2006-05-22 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good! I liked this very much. I loved the imagery for this poem. I think that this conveyed a woman who has accepted her fate...or is comfortable with her saddness. She seems depressed to me. I liked the way you wrote this, I just kept seeing a mermaid lonely and lost. I know way off, lol, but the picture of s beautiful woman lonely and sad stands out in this poem. *Applauds* Great work.

    | Posted on 2006-05-21 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      This is such a sad and lonely poem. Very well written and expressed and really does a nice job of capturing this woman's emotions and feelings. The imagery here is very good and gives the reader a true sense of her and her surroundings. I think the last line of this poem is really quite perfect as well. "she cant dance to it" brings quite a significance to this poem with the "familiar feel" providing insight that she is no stranger to this. Very good work. Nothing I would change. take care.

    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I am not gonna "philosophise" this. It is the image of a crying woman described beautifully.
    I can see her with her straw hat, dress flying in the wind standing on the beach while tears run down her face.

    I love how you parallelled the whole process withe the sea and the waves, it is like u r talking about the waves of sadness shaking her adn making the tears run.

    Her heart is a shell... how well said... a broken shell...
    Empty and torn.
    I adored how you hint things in this poem instead of saying them.

    You did a great job as usual

    | Posted on 2006-07-02 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ]
      This one Chrystine
    I really liked
    I dont know why but the first image that pops into my head from this is of a hermit crab or a snail and how it has to hide in its shell away from the world to keep herself pure
    I really liked this one
    Its been awhile since I have read some of your work and I must say I am very happy that You are writing again
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2006-06-29 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I get an almost stacatto feel from the images here, as though I'm not really ready to look, or perhaps the writer is not ready to look.
    Given that idea, it brings the sadness to a fall and fades like a sigh.

    How else could we endure the loss of love? Because this I know:
    whether we were challenged to end a love or not makes no difference, the end devastates both parties involved, especially if
    the love was real.

    Compassion, I understand it and know how the work we must do
    keeps love at bay, yes, I do understand, but I plan on falling in love as often as I can. And that notion is a gift and you are a healer.

    Are you glad I reminded you? So much more I will do in the future because love is worthless unless it's given.

    | Posted on 2006-06-16 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Aww...Chrustine, the last line was the best. It was the perfect ending, and it was like a close that I felt in my heart. I love the way that you describe the song, and I also got the image of a siren singing to a human beach person that she loved, and it was a sad song because she couldn't get to him, but also, I got the image of the sounds of waves, the sound waves make when they crawl towards the shore, never quite making it, always getting pulled back. Anyways, this is really a great poem, and it's so sad. Awesome job.
    | Posted on 2006-06-29 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]

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