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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Demon in Disguisedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Faith_Disease
    ASL Info:    17/M
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 278/141/29
    Words: 66
    Class/Type: Poetry/What you did
    Total Views: 839
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 531



    Description:
       I really have a hard time letting things go, and get pissed easily. Kinda the same as My dead angel but no love in this one, just anger, anger and more anger. Tell me if its good or not, and how to improve, i really want to get better.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDemon in Disguisedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sadistic torture filters through a bleeding heart.
    Promises reflect a corrosive delusion.
    Sordid lust,
    carving up wrists.
    Voices whisper of a razor infliction.

    Scarlet nightmares,
    silence screaming,
    steel blade leads to
    severed veins.

    Blood-stained love from a demon in disguise.
    Nailed to the cross,
    I resurrect
    as the psychopathic terror
    on a cold dark night.
    haunting your dreams,
    since you loved him more.




    Submitted on 2006-05-22 20:05:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      lol, this was not emo...it was just emotional....jk.
    Anyway, I liked this...you seem to be writing a lot of poems about cutting lately...do you cut yourself?
    Anys, this was nice, slightly cliché', but a poem on this subject can't help but to have a cliché' inside of it. It was still good though.

    *Toxic*
    | Posted on 2006-05-28 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      Frickin emo again but I liked the imagry in it. I espaecially loved that you used hella strong words and it didnt feel like a story (like most poems) but more like a... poem. well its alright. I didnt like the poem as a whole but if yo used the wording in another poem it'd be fricking awesome.
    | Posted on 2006-05-27 00:00:00 | by Harmageddon | [ Reply to This ]
      I found the second stanza to be the strongest one. The imagery in it is easy to envision and feel.

    "I resurrect as the psychopathic terror on a cold dark night" - I don't think that makes sense. Maybe if you changed it to: I am resurrected....

    Get rid of the comma after "dreams".

    "Sordid lust carving up wrists" works as one line without a comma.
    | Posted on 2006-05-22 00:00:00 | by fo | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmmm the emotion was there, the wording was good as always...**feels like a teacher lol** I dunno I really felt like you were holding something back on this one, it just felt like there was something else you wanted to add, for all I know it could be contained to a line but it just felt a little dilluted in some spots. then again your imagry was awesome and I love all your writes becuz it is so easy for me to feel your words, like when you listen to a really good song and you just feel it running thro ur veins. anway I liked what you had but it really felt like you needed to take one last look and say something more....{see I found something to complain about} lol as usual I loved it hun, keep writing;)
    peace
    | Posted on 2006-05-22 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]


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