Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

untitled


Author: Nessus
Elite Ratio:    2.44 - 3 /10 /6
Words: 74
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 968
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 444



Description:




untitled



i am free at last
i will scream it
as i pass
i am done
with it all
free to breath
i can move and see
everything around me
at last i am free
now you will see
who i really am

you have scorned me
you ignored me
now i can see
how badly you treated me
i forgive you
i am moving on
you cant hurt me anymore





Submitted on 2006-05-22 21:18:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  this to me is like a cry of release, of that final moment when you have escaped/been released from the prison/confines of whatever situation it was you were most unhappy in. it could be a drug, it could be a bad relationship, it could be a bad job, it could be bad seafood, it could be simply harmful emotions, but whatever it is you are free and screaming it out to the world which i find beautiful, the first stanzas don't exactly meld into one another but they work together, to bring a point across to the reader/one this was written to. i think it works like it is, but thats just me. thanks for sharing!!!!

Meow!!!
| Posted on 2006-05-23 00:00:00 | by lynxstarfire | [ Reply to This ]
  I really do like the meaning, I was really depressed and suicidal and I've overcome it and it's been so nice to have moved on. This is an awesome peice, the last stanza though, doesn't really mesh with the first. I think it would be good if you made the first one more rythmy (apparently it's a word now ) it would really make the peice more poignant.
It's very original and definitly full of your voice.
way to go!
~sacred_tears
dani
| Posted on 2006-05-23 00:00:00 | by sacred_tears | [ Reply to This ]
  I love the message here and the tone of new found strength. There is a sense of empowerment in your words. Take a fresh breath and enjoy the freedom and simple ignore those who would stifle you.
jan
| Posted on 2006-05-23 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



104374