Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I go cold.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: all the english boys
    ASL Info:    15
    Elite Ratio:    2.76 - 173/239/46
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 1092
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 735



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI go cold.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    this is how my body reacts
    after you send out an ambience of hatred
    don't pretend you were looking at my shoes
    i've been barefoot ever since that day on the pier
    when the decayed wood took us in and we molded together
    don't pretended you don't see me
    lighting myself on fire wouldn't resolve a thing
    i would scream in a longing envy
    as my flesh bubbled and blackened
    envious of the spot on the wall you're so keen to eye
    as i pour out everything i never knew i had inside
    how can plaster hold you like i do?
    even when the flames embrace me and dance up and down my spine
    one look through me
    and i go cold.




    Submitted on 2004-05-11 18:11:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      the anger in this poem is very controlled.. like if need be .. you'd be able to direct in the right way that would have that person right where you want them. i especially liked the line "how can plaster hold you like i do?" a hint that maybe the anger is still trying to hide other things..

    just noticed a typo.. i checked to see if anyone else had pointed it out but doesn't look like it:
    "don't pretended you don't see me"
    should read:
    "don't pretend..."
    | Posted on 2004-07-23 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      This is desolate. And very well written because I saw a burning and chose to look at a crack instead, because your words told me to, actually.
    A tale of being bereft of spirit.
    Shut me up.
    K
    | Posted on 2004-05-18 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      Full of hurt and resentment this piece is. I loved the wording used, tho you could add better structure, right now that's about all I can think of...
    | Posted on 2004-05-11 00:00:00 | by Phall | [ Reply to This ]
      ilove it... it's emotional and insisive.. the last stanza the best... it could definitly use structure! but i like it! great job
    | Posted on 2004-05-11 00:00:00 | by blonde_honey418 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    10439

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Ache written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    AI written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Fasade written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Carry written by saartha
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    True Death written by layDsayD

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry