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    dots Submission Name: I go cold.dots

    Author: all the english boys
    ASL Info:    15
    Elite Ratio:    2.76 - 173/239/46
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 1092
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 735


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI go cold.dots

    this is how my body reacts
    after you send out an ambience of hatred
    don't pretend you were looking at my shoes
    i've been barefoot ever since that day on the pier
    when the decayed wood took us in and we molded together
    don't pretended you don't see me
    lighting myself on fire wouldn't resolve a thing
    i would scream in a longing envy
    as my flesh bubbled and blackened
    envious of the spot on the wall you're so keen to eye
    as i pour out everything i never knew i had inside
    how can plaster hold you like i do?
    even when the flames embrace me and dance up and down my spine
    one look through me
    and i go cold.

    Submitted on 2004-05-11 18:11:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      the anger in this poem is very controlled.. like if need be .. you'd be able to direct in the right way that would have that person right where you want them. i especially liked the line "how can plaster hold you like i do?" a hint that maybe the anger is still trying to hide other things..

    just noticed a typo.. i checked to see if anyone else had pointed it out but doesn't look like it:
    "don't pretended you don't see me"
    should read:
    "don't pretend..."
    | Posted on 2004-07-23 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      This is desolate. And very well written because I saw a burning and chose to look at a crack instead, because your words told me to, actually.
    A tale of being bereft of spirit.
    Shut me up.
    | Posted on 2004-05-18 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      Full of hurt and resentment this piece is. I loved the wording used, tho you could add better structure, right now that's about all I can think of...
    | Posted on 2004-05-11 00:00:00 | by Phall | [ Reply to This ]
      ilove it... it's emotional and insisive.. the last stanza the best... it could definitly use structure! but i like it! great job
    | Posted on 2004-05-11 00:00:00 | by blonde_honey418 | [ Reply to This ]

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