Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I go cold.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: all the english boys
    ASL Info:    15
    Elite Ratio:    2.76 - 173/239/46
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 1001
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 735



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI go cold.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    this is how my body reacts
    after you send out an ambience of hatred
    don't pretend you were looking at my shoes
    i've been barefoot ever since that day on the pier
    when the decayed wood took us in and we molded together
    don't pretended you don't see me
    lighting myself on fire wouldn't resolve a thing
    i would scream in a longing envy
    as my flesh bubbled and blackened
    envious of the spot on the wall you're so keen to eye
    as i pour out everything i never knew i had inside
    how can plaster hold you like i do?
    even when the flames embrace me and dance up and down my spine
    one look through me
    and i go cold.




    Submitted on 2004-05-11 18:11:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      the anger in this poem is very controlled.. like if need be .. you'd be able to direct in the right way that would have that person right where you want them. i especially liked the line "how can plaster hold you like i do?" a hint that maybe the anger is still trying to hide other things..

    just noticed a typo.. i checked to see if anyone else had pointed it out but doesn't look like it:
    "don't pretended you don't see me"
    should read:
    "don't pretend..."
    | Posted on 2004-07-23 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      This is desolate. And very well written because I saw a burning and chose to look at a crack instead, because your words told me to, actually.
    A tale of being bereft of spirit.
    Shut me up.
    K
    | Posted on 2004-05-18 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      Full of hurt and resentment this piece is. I loved the wording used, tho you could add better structure, right now that's about all I can think of...
    | Posted on 2004-05-11 00:00:00 | by Phall | [ Reply to This ]
      ilove it... it's emotional and insisive.. the last stanza the best... it could definitly use structure! but i like it! great job
    | Posted on 2004-05-11 00:00:00 | by blonde_honey418 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    10439

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Live In Between written by teika5
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry