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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Localfreak
    ASL Info:    37, Maybe, Here
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 131/123/76
    Words: 135
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 947
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 904



    Description:
       A piece written for as friend from a line I was given!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Unknown beneath the tainted mask
    Betrayed atop a broken mantle
    Thoughts of dying interrupt
    The thoughts she cannot handle

    Breathes inside an open wound
    Where capsized memories tumble
    Stronger frame to weaker skin,
    Face set while her heart crumbles

    A birthday young, gone but a day
    When life’s lessons seemed so gentle
    Till to her, life was taken away
    She thinks of his face and she trembles

    The end of the world, to a young girls mind
    For family and friends she’s ungrateful
    Each encouraging word is confetti’d aside
    With acidic retorts oh so hateful

    With a mind enclosed in culted songs
    She sees an option for release if she’s able
    After all it’s the fashion she knows that it’s right
    Lose a boy, lose your life, lost life’s gamble




    Submitted on 2006-05-23 10:47:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow. that was really incredible. you wrote that from one line? wow. i have so much respect and admiration for you. and, and oh my god! i see how it's satrical!! it's kinda, making fun, of the whole 'broken heart- want to die' situation most teenager go through. am i right? eeeee i feel smart. i think. o.O
    anyway, sorry my comments aren't very critical. i'm no good at expressing why i like a poem. i just know what i like and what i don't like, and i like your stuff so :D

    Angela aKa Checkers
    | Posted on 2006-05-23 00:00:00 | by m with two i_s | [ Reply to This ]
      Incredible you wrote this just from a line. that is amazing, this whole peice is amazing, and i get how it is satrical. in someways i can relate to this peice, im sorry im not being very helpful here but i really cant see anything that i would change, so personally i would leave it. as is, no complaints here. great job, thanks for sharing it!
    take care.....Joy
    | Posted on 2006-07-23 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]


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