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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hannahdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Localfreak
    ASL Info:    37, Maybe, Here
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 131/123/76
    Words: 308
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1218
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1755



    Description:
       Just a little thank you for being a close friend!!
    most things in this poem are references to conversations and personal experiences so my apologies if it makes little sense


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHannahdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I cannot think of what to say to you
    Without confusing this affair
    To let you know the difficulties
    Would only cause a vast despair
    And rip a rift within a soul
    That lies too near to be my own
    But takes my life to an unborn place
    With pleasures never yet known

    Each word yet spake to thee was true
    Unknown to all but laid bare to you
    For 'twas your mind that set me racing
    Free from my minds debilitating
    Conscious thoughts of self abuse
    Thoughts that never should be loose
    For taking my pain within your grasp
    For freeing my love, I thank you

    But yet you thank me for my time
    For helping yourself from a pit of your own
    What I gave it was nothing but what you deserved
    So I cannot understand why I have your gratitude
    Why you praise me and love me and live for my life
    How you stand by my side till each day turns to night
    And I feel deep inside that I cannot repay
    Though you tell me so often the debt, it is paid

    I cannot think of what to say to you
    My promise of lifelong companionship fairs
    Not well, to the life you return-ed to me
    Not at all to the happiness you have sold to me
    Now I lay 'neath the stars with your shade in my head
    Where once I lay hoping I soon would be dead
    'til you came to me, fought for me, infused me with hope
    Picked me up with your words with your thoughts held me 'loft

    So what now can I say to you?
    Thank you seems so not enough
    So I give myself, my whole to you
    I give it all for it's naught to your worth.




    Submitted on 2006-05-23 10:52:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I saw you were on line today and so I thought I'd comment on something of yours. I know this is an older write but the name caught my eye since it is also my daughters. When I read the description, I knew it was personal and so I braced myself and was pleasantly surprised. This was very well structured and thought out. Even though it is a piece of your diary, its fairly complete with a running rhyme scheme developed with near rhyme and alliteration. I think that was the perfect way to go with this, since it lets the words run freely. This was a very nice tribute and I hope she was touched when she read it, even if it was years ago.
    Jan
    | Posted on 2015-03-11 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      aww I like this. ;) its sweet. the way you managed to get this feeling down on paper without making it sound contrived or even cliché is amazing and very hard to pull off, too many others have tried and failed. its that wonderful part of ecstasy to find someone who you can open up to, in a sense let go of everything youve been holding on to, or punishing yourself with, at true friend is what you appear to have found. You seem to have the "one comment" disease, not so rare on this site but you have your fair share. This however is a great write...(you probably left 'em speechless).

    Until we write again,

    ~ink~
    | Posted on 2007-01-30 00:00:00 | by inkonspikuous | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this poem, it's so genuine and honest, I think Hannah is a lucky person to have a friend who can articulate such emotions as you have here. To be completely honest I think the last stanza is not needed, I think it could end nicely and stay within the structure if you stopped at the 4th stanza, but either way this was a great piece~Sunset
    | Posted on 2006-06-01 00:00:00 | by sunset | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
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