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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Innocencedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Localfreak
    ASL Info:    37, Maybe, Here
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 131/123/76
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1119
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 882



    Description:
       Another piece for Jasmine.
    it was inspired by and includes extracts from our msn conversations.
    It probably doesn't make much sesne to anyone but the two of us, but it means a great deal to me!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInnocencedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Innocence has spoken
    And now I see the world anew
    Through eyes of unborn prejudice

    Let all men be
    She says to me
    No person is bad, just their actions

    Innocence has spoken

    Trust can be given to all in this world
    Happiness born of helpfulness
    Respect for all life is not just an ideal
    When killing even for food is not an option

    Innocence has spoken

    Taking time
    With each new mind
    To see what good lies behind the intentions

    A chance to be given to all who repose
    Help given to those with helplessness
    To turn a back bereaves honor where needed
    When the uncorrupt may still be living below

    Innocence has spoken
    And now I see the world anew
    Through the eyes of unborn hatred




    Submitted on 2006-05-23 11:12:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with charmedindentity, I mean that this does have a lot of potential...

    Innocence has spoken
    And now I see the world anew
    Through eyes of unborn prejudice


    Yes, that was a very good beginning, however, I wish to point out a part that didn't sit as well as I wished it would've...: Innocence has spoken. We hear innocence speaking, but where is hate, why do we not hear from hate?

    Overall good piece, not many would've gone after this overrated idea and achieve it; making it into a fresher light.
    | Posted on 2006-11-09 00:00:00 | by Twisted | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmmm...I don't think it reads as well, I felt like the message did not fully come across, maybe it wasn't meant to? The line 'the eyes of unborn hatred' was a chilling last image nevertheless. ~J
    | Posted on 2006-05-24 00:00:00 | by sunset | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey,
    This piece has a lot of potential. You have so many great ideas in this piece that it is clear you know what you are talking about. I enjoyed the ideas you have portrayed and i think innocence is the most amazing characteristic that i wish i couldn't have lost but then with everything that we are exposed to today, the only way we can remain innocent is to isolate ourselves from the world and drive ourselves nuts. But then our lives will have no purpose and it would be best to die then...

    Innocence can be seen in so many different eyes that everytime the word is mentioned, a new view is portrayed.

    I think what this piece needs is a reconstruction however because i don't feel you have used the right way to get to people and let them understand what really it is you want them to feel and to see but most importantly to understand. I think you should have a plot as to what are the main features of this piece and how you want to lay them out. The structure is important. What you plan to do will determine how well the piece will be understood and heartfelt.

    It's a beautiful piece....Let other people feel how you feel about this. Let them see the importance of what you wrote.

    Pretty much everything i can think about. I like this piece. Innocence means a great deal to me too. Anyhow, hope to see more from you soon.
    Do take care....
    Irina
    | Posted on 2006-06-12 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    104432

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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