all of the angels, have turned on their wings
as we turn our backs on simpler things
the apin and the hurt, the hate in their eyes
as a mother weeps for her son that has died
never before nor will be again
for her heart is broken, never to mend
what has this world come to this time?
children with guns locked at their sides
awareness only we need to remind
as we slowly walk on these lines
never before and never again
do i want to see the look on my friends
face as the life slowly drains out
this is the pain i'm talking about
a thousand wars need yet to be won
to rid the mask of death on the young
all from the place, the line that i've come
i'll avenge my friend, his song will be sung
and all the while, in which i pray
a first borns eyes open, to a world that will fade
maybe i'm burned out. i like the first line about angels but i don't want to start complaining about clichés and bad radio pop. it's not about mass marketing peace and the entire hypocrisy in that, but if you can talk about events in a way as plain as that, then maybe they are plain. if you can tell me off in a straight line, there's nothing to go off on. i know you hate 'off the wall' poetry, but ambiguity is what makes poetry great.
anyone can see what's wrong with the world. i think it takes more to write about it.
What a thought-provoking piece you have here Brent. It's extremely poignant and sad. Heart wrenching yet true. So very true. In the first stanza this part got me "never to mend"...for the simple fact of a conversation I had with someone who'd lost a child. She said that some days you just can't shrug it off...it's always there but some days you can't brush it off...and it's so sad...so so sad. The second stanza is what it is, awareness to the many growing epidemics. And it seems that no matter how much we try to help correct all the wrong in the world the wrong will still be there... Ahh...this is such a freakin' sad and true piece...it hurts me. And that's what writing is supposed to do...make you feel.. The third stanza reminds me of the times this past year when, exhausted with grief, I would feel as if the whole world ceased to be and then I would listen to a song or write something and empowerment to live would follow. Then...like the closing stanza...I have discovered that life is what it is and we need to live it up. (Ode to you right there!! lol) Everyday bad things are going to happen and we can try our hardest to stop every little thing but we can't...for the simple fact that we are human. We can only do so much you know? We need to pick and choose our battles and fight those with intensity. Wow... this is long. haha So yeah, that's all I have to say except well done. Talk to you later.
and all the while, in which i pray a first borns eyes open, to a world that will fade
for me personally that was the strongest part of your poem. but that's just me, cause I can picture a child being born all the wihile the world is dissolving around them. And they will never get to know the true world because of the fact that it is always constantly changing, but maybe that's just my own personal opinion of your piece...oh well