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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: nomenclaturedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: austin
    ASL Info:    22/ Male/ Odessa, Texas
    Elite Ratio:    4.41 - 376/396/84
    Words: 166
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1085
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 957



    Description:
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    dotsnomenclaturedots
    -------------------------------------------


    all of the angels, have turned on their wings
    as we turn our backs on simpler things
    the apin and the hurt, the hate in their eyes
    as a mother weeps for her son that has died
    never before nor will be again
    for her heart is broken, never to mend

    what has this world come to this time?
    children with guns locked at their sides
    awareness only we need to remind
    as we slowly walk on these lines

    never before and never again
    do i want to see the look on my friends
    face as the life slowly drains out
    this is the pain i'm talking about
    a thousand wars need yet to be won
    to rid the mask of death on the young
    all from the place, the line that i've come
    i'll avenge my friend, his song will be sung

    and all the while, in which i pray
    a first borns eyes open, to a world that will fade




    Submitted on 2006-05-23 12:14:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      maybe i'm burned out. i like the first line about angels but i don't want to start complaining about clichés and bad radio pop. it's not about mass marketing peace and the entire hypocrisy in that, but if you can talk about events in a way as plain as that, then maybe they are plain. if you can tell me off in a straight line, there's nothing to go off on. i know you hate 'off the wall' poetry, but ambiguity is what makes poetry great.
    anyone can see what's wrong with the world. i think it takes more to write about it.
    | Posted on 2007-01-23 00:00:00 | by denial | [ Reply to This ]
      What a thought-provoking piece you have here Brent. It's extremely poignant and sad. Heart wrenching yet true. So very true. In the first stanza this part got me "never to mend"...for the simple fact of a conversation I had with someone who'd lost a child. She said that some days you just can't shrug it off...it's always there but some days you can't brush it off...and it's so sad...so so sad. The second stanza is what it is, awareness to the many growing epidemics. And it seems that no matter how much we try to help correct all the wrong in the world the wrong will still be there... Ahh...this is such a freakin' sad and true piece...it hurts me. And that's what writing is supposed to do...make you feel.. The third stanza reminds me of the times this past year when, exhausted with grief, I would feel as if the whole world ceased to be and then I would listen to a song or write something and empowerment to live would follow. Then...like the closing stanza...I have discovered that life is what it is and we need to live it up. (Ode to you right there!! lol) Everyday bad things are going to happen and we can try our hardest to stop every little thing but we can't...for the simple fact that we are human. We can only do so much you know? We need to pick and choose our battles and fight those with intensity. Wow... this is long. haha So yeah, that's all I have to say except well done.
    Talk to you later.

    Beth
    | Posted on 2006-05-24 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm...the ending and the way it tied in to the sentiment you expressed in the write was worded very well. In that third stanza it felt a little choppy though.

    Kids having kids and kids having guns. Sad stuff.

    Thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2006-05-23 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      and all the while, in which i pray
    a first borns eyes open, to a world that will fade

    for me personally that was the strongest part of your poem. but that's just me, cause I can picture a child being born all the wihile the world is dissolving around them. And they will never get to know the true world because of the fact that it is always constantly changing, but maybe that's just my own personal opinion of your piece...oh well
    | Posted on 2006-06-10 00:00:00 | by Brwnsknsam05 | [ Reply to This ]


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