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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The heartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 278
    Class/Type: Misc/Love
    Total Views: 769
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1451



    Description:
       Raivn is the rock thrower. I am the girl. Jim is the heart, the girl with the red hair is hannah. this is what happened. Like I said, rock thrower isn't bad...she just didn't know. Couldn't know. no one told her.


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    dotsThe heartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    She held his heart, so careful not to break it. Nights had went by and she watched it inside a shop window. Every morning she walked to her mailbox, her mailbox had lived very near the shop. She walked and she saw his heart. And one day his heart began speaking to her. And his heart, the one that before had looked so broken, so scarred, began to regain its color. And she was blissful. Because she realized how attatched to his heart she had become. And the wind blew as it sometimes does and it all changed. Someone nearby threw a pebble, the pebble crashed into the shop glass and it all shattered around his heart. The pebble thrower did not realize what she had done, how could she...she knew nothing of his heart. She was only trying to heal herself. And the girl quickly ran to the window and picked up his heart, for she was the only one nearby. And she held it until someone could hold it for her. And a lovely girl, with red hair and a pretty smile looked at the heart as the girl held it. She admired the heart and the girl was sure that this other girl with the red hair would take good care of the heart. And then the girl was ashamed. She was ashamed because she realized she couldn't keep it. She already had a heart belonging to a man. And though this heart was beautiful, and she had almost decided to keep it, the rock thrower came by. And they told the heart horrible stories. And the heart shriveled away and no one loved it.




    Submitted on 2006-05-23 12:33:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a great write Jaz. It was very easy to follow and filled with imagery. I loved the story line as well. It's the classic story of a girl that has a husband or boyfriend, but she finds another that treats her well also. Finally she realizes that the one she has, is enough, so she decides to keep him. Of course the other is devastated.
    Anyway, great write, and have a great summer!
    | Posted on 2006-06-02 00:00:00 | by Draigon | [ Reply to This ]
      This irritates me, cause I didn't hurt him twice...

    I either threw the rock, or told the heart stories, I didn't do both.

    And it also irritates me that your "heroine" took none of the blame. Cause I imagine she was as much to blame as the poor rock thrower.

    Other than that, it's pretty.
    | Posted on 2006-05-26 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      t his is a very good write .../. your art ---- it enlightening me and my own work ../. it makes me work even harder .../. you know you have a true gift for art .../. im sure i dont have to tell you that ../. welll i hope you take the time to look at my worrk .../. someda y you'll be a voice for a million dranged minds --- just like mine ..

    bloodstone
    | Posted on 2006-05-25 00:00:00 | by Bloodstone | [ Reply to This ]
      Great imagry. THis would be a good poem with a moral if you arranged the format. I like how you used lots of imagry, i felt as if I were there.
    | Posted on 2006-05-24 00:00:00 | by orange | [ Reply to This ]


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