Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Life As A Kingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Latin King
    ASL Info:    31/M/Los Angeles
    Elite Ratio:    2.39 - 104/232/145
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 956
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 599



    Description:
       Just portraying the life I live!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Life As A Kingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My life as a king,
    Is lived in misery,
    Greed might be a sin,
    But I live in the gutter,
    You see.

    My life as a king,
    Has no value at all,
    I struggle to win,
    Yet my victory,
    Is kept behind thick walls.

    My life as king,
    Has never been fancy,
    I'm optimistic as it seems,
    But I still don't know,
    What truly satisfies me.

    My life as a king,
    Is so hypnotic,
    I'm dazed,
    And it seems,
    That my my life as a king,
    Is quite ironic.




    Submitted on 2004-05-11 19:12:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this seems kinda like...a rough go, or a thought you put down but never completely went over to edit. you sorta have a rhyme patter developing, but in the last stanza you completely abandon any thought of rhyme, not changing the pattern, but just discarding it. Also, with regards to the rhyme scheme you do have going, it would be perfectly fine not to split up the last two lines, and just make the last one in each stanza longer than the rest, as long as you edit out some choice words.
    | Posted on 2004-08-05 00:00:00 | by deadlydarkdevil | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    10448

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    The World written by jjd
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry