[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: My Life As A Kingdots

    Author: Latin King
    ASL Info:    31/M/Los Angeles
    Elite Ratio:    2.39 - 104/232/145
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1877
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 599

       Just portraying the life I live!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Life As A Kingdots

    My life as a king,
    Is lived in misery,
    Greed might be a sin,
    But I live in the gutter,
    You see.

    My life as a king,
    Has no value at all,
    I struggle to win,
    Yet my victory,
    Is kept behind thick walls.

    My life as king,
    Has never been fancy,
    I'm optimistic as it seems,
    But I still don't know,
    What truly satisfies me.

    My life as a king,
    Is so hypnotic,
    I'm dazed,
    And it seems,
    That my my life as a king,
    Is quite ironic.

    Submitted on 2004-05-11 19:12:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      this seems kinda like...a rough go, or a thought you put down but never completely went over to edit. you sorta have a rhyme patter developing, but in the last stanza you completely abandon any thought of rhyme, not changing the pattern, but just discarding it. Also, with regards to the rhyme scheme you do have going, it would be perfectly fine not to split up the last two lines, and just make the last one in each stanza longer than the rest, as long as you edit out some choice words.
    | Posted on 2004-08-05 00:00:00 | by deadlydarkdevil | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]