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    dots Submission Name: Utilitary Lovedots

    Author: shoggoth
    ASL Info:    24/m/croatia
    Elite Ratio:    4.74 - 80/84/30
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1013
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 509

       Did you get what I ment by this poem ?
    You're welcome to share any other thoughts, as well.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUtilitary Lovedots

    Imperfect sapphire moon
    With overflowing dye
    Murmurs in the blank
    And radiating sky

    Lovers lay on turmoil
    Wishing for the rain
    Ignoring all the fear
    Inventing all the pain

    Anguish now grows dull
    As light is gently knit
    Love becomes a shroud
    As night is slowly lit

    Lovers lose their faces,
    Swap each other's eyes,
    Hide from their own darkness
    And from the turmoil rise

    Submitted on 2006-05-24 15:03:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Well love is a double-edged sword. It can make you feel whole but at the same time cage you in the solitude of the world you created with it. It protects you... but at the same time it renders you helpless. Love requires you to surrender a part of yourself for the sake of its fulfillment... so I guess the real question is... is it worth it?

    I feel for this piece because it is completely big-armed regarding its topic; sweeping through with words that clobber emotions. It doesn't show much versitility... but it's definately worth reading.

    | Posted on 2006-05-25 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      I must say : wow. This is the first poem I've read that I haven't had more than one suggestion for. I really, really like the touch of dark cynicism that you've laced your words with, almost like poison around the edges of a drink (ha ha, metaphors be with you). I can't quite tell whether you meant this to be a twisted view of love and its unhappinesses, or about the way people can rise from love's unhappinesses -- I rather like to think it's the first. My only suggestion is that you find a synonym for the word "turmoil" in the last line, since you'd already used it. Other than that -- very interesting.

    | Posted on 2006-06-26 00:00:00 | by Otter Kid | [ Reply to This ]

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