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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Oldies Slipping Awaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wallya20
    ASL Info:    18/m/Bahamas
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 113/68/26
    Words: 213
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 869
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1221



    Description:
       


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    dotsOldies Slipping Awaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm just trying to clear my mind.
    I just go away in the corners of my mind,
    Cut my wrists so my mind bleeds the negative thoughts,
    I cut in my mind.
    Though somewhere in those short slits between the jagged razorís tear
    Of my skin to the milliseconds arrival of my veins,
    The thought of a better life passes through the other 150 million other thoughts,
    Catches my attention so I read the poem in my hands that readÖ
    Itís a cold world and I have nothing to cloak my broken spirit.
    Iíll listen to the old sultry voice of Etta James,
    To piggyback her words to take a ride to where I want to be,
    Sit in a metro and enjoy the nostalgic memories and the nauseating smells,
    Look outside the window and literally watch as the world passes me by.
    Look up to see the first snow flake that slide gently around the glass;
    As I follow it with my fingertips,
    Making intricate but insignificant little signs,
    And slip away to where I no longer want but where I need to be,
    A stranger sits in front of me,
    And stares into my eyes,
    She asked ďIs it cold where you are?Ē
    Yes, it is.




    Submitted on 2006-05-24 19:21:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hmm, How we see through different eyes.
    Each person so unlike any other, but how we have the same lost feelings or desires.

    I like the title of this because you are right. The oldies are slipping away.

    I am old enough to remember them (ouch).

    How we choose to live our lives on a day to day basis is our choice, but it is always influenced by others living their own day to day life. Song from the past give us a little comfort and sometimes hope.

    Well, nicely done and I don't know if this is what you were going for but the beauty of a poem is that says so much different things to so many different people.

    Respect and Admiration

    Clyde
    | Posted on 2006-05-27 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow you're writes are so beautiful,I'm so glad I read this but even more then that I'm so glad I met you, you have such an amazing talent with writing and I've felt the way you described in this write so much, alone....cut off from everyone totally secluded and still not knowing what or if you can fix it. I liked that u didn't leave a descrip, forces the reader to make their own connection. odd how the main thing I was wondering after this was whether or not the woman was all that important, did she really care or was she a symbol of those who show false concern only to walk on by anyway? either way hun this was a great write and the feels I got from it came so subtle at first, keep em coming;)
    peace and lots of love,
    ~jess
    | Posted on 2006-05-25 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Once again...alone..and depressing..This write was depressing, just the way I like them,lol. I think in the beginning you said Mind too much, but your intensions were to do so, sounded good. The ending was great..showed that you know your alone, and its harsh..and depressingly cold..A feeling i've felt before, no stranger. I'm sorry that you feel this way, its never good, and cutting doesn't solve anything..But then again look at my user name, its a bad addiction, yet it lets you float away..and just close yourself up for a while, or feel something for once, even if its just pain. I loved this piece, Keep up the great work, and Take Care!!

    Lucy
    | Posted on 2006-05-25 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
      this was beautifully written as far as form and wording, we were with you through this journey.

    the discriptions didnt give us all the information. You left it vague enough to let us think, wonder as we searched line for line trying to put the puzzle together.

    The last to lines were my favorite, it was the awe inspiring end...
    a very depressing piece about everyday in life. All the why's. You wrote it well, conveying these sad feelings to each person who reads it, leaving me cold... or remembering the feeling. What a talent to make people feel what you are feeling...
    take care
    ~jennifer
    | Posted on 2006-05-24 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]


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