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The Silence


Author: evangelina
ASL Info:    23/f/macedonia
Elite Ratio:    4.65 - 27 /30 /14
Words: 132
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1413
Average Vote:    4.0000
Bytes: 924



Description:


This poem I wrote to my boyfriend, who once got angry at some stupid mistake of mine, and decided not to talk to me. Any word, any curse, yelling, offensive words, anything that he would said wouldn't hurt so much like that silence that is killing the music inside me. I use some substitute words here to make the poem more provoking and less explicit, but if one wants to try and find the true words hiding inside, I can give some hints: beats = heart beats, "unfinished buildings" = breasts....
Pleace if you don't want to give any comment on the poem, at least rate it! Thanx!


The Silence



Sneak between the walls
Of these unfinished buildings
And close your eyes:
Feel the silence
Between every two beats.

The Unspoken has no weight
The Missed has no freedom,
There is no peace,
So, take your rest in the pause
Between every two beats.

The sky and the earth are turning over
And we stand still, unconscious that
There is no static.
Dive into the universe in the moment
Between every two beats.

The death of the Music would look like this,
The death of all her creators and creations;
Your silence is killing the music,
The deafness arises
Between every two beats.

Don't stop laughing,
Or I'll start crying aloud.
The Silence must be broken,
Or I will forever become deaf
If you ever become mute.




Submitted on 2006-05-25 11:10:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  There is honesty in this work. The poet's soul is laid bare with vivid clarity and imagery that sings. The repeated refrain of "feel the silence between every two beats" is used to powerful effect here. Nicely executed with a lyric cadence the softened the difficult message. Nice write evangelina! ladyauthor1
| Posted on 2006-05-25 00:00:00 | by ladyauthor1 | [ Reply to This ]
  I haven't read something so painfully breathtaking in quite sometime. There is a undertone in your words that is haunting. They will stay in my head throughout the day.

The only thing that threw me off was in the 3rd stanza, line 2. I'm assuming you meant to write stand 'still' instead of 'steel.'

The first stanza really sets the mood for the entire piece quite nicely. I love the lines:

'Feel the silence
Between every two beats.'

Even though they are simple, you say so much. You did a great job injecting this with feeling.

Ciao,
~Angie
| Posted on 2006-05-25 00:00:00 | by faln_angl | [ Reply to This ]
  i was really taken back by this poem. i had to read it twice. not because i didnt understand it the first time, but because i was so awe struck, that i had to read it a second time for it to really set in... you know? wow. i dont even really know how to comment on this. it was like, reading sadness in it's most beautiful form (if that makes any sense at all) I've felt like this in so many fights with my boyfriend.......but could never word it with such raw beauty. i think my favorite stanza was the last one, which i MUST quote:

"Don't stop laughing,
Or I'll start crying aloud.
The Silence must be broken,
Or I will forever become deaf
If you ever become mute."

beautiful.......stunning......amazing...... me.

i cannot believe how you put this together, it's heart wrenching...... yet.... satisfying to the mind... so sad to thinking about, yet joyious for the eyes to read. so much work to take it in, yet understandable with ease.... i have so many things to say about this, but, as i'm sure this comment is showing already.... i'm still in a state of shock, i'm having a heard time even typing lol, so i'll just end it here... BUT! i will be adding this to my favs. and thank you again or the opprotunity to read this.

-Poetic
| Posted on 2006-05-26 00:00:00 | by Poetic | [ Reply to This ]


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