This piece reminds me of the story of Rasputin. The way he tricked the royal family by saying the things that they wanted to hear... how their people loved them and how they had nothing to worry about... until the truth came banging on the Tsar's door with the intent of slaughtering his entire family.
And yes it was such a bloody eveing...
In society we tend to overlook things. Because to every man, the central point of that society is himself/herself.
I may be wrong.
The only problem I had with this piece was the relationship of line 1 & 2. Is it... A tree growing beyond Newton's laws seem to be broken,... or is it.... A tree growing beyond. Newton's laws seem to be broken, I have nothing against dualities but these things could present a problem because it could convey different and almost unrelated (at worst contradicting) meanings.
Without a period, it does remind me of the whole Rasputin scenario. With a period, it gives the impression of having high hopes for one's self and how society tends to feed those hopes until you fail and society feeds on your failure.
Okay so I know Darth Zeus pointed out that your structure came out to be 6-8-5, but I'd like to interpret that into the meaning of the poem. I think, if it is a miscalculation on your part, that you should keep it the way it is because it emphasizes the poem that much more. Obviously, as you stated, the haiku was about society, so before I fit the irregular format of the haiku into the poem, let me try a stab at the meaning.
"A tree growing beyond Newton's laws seem to be broken, Until you topple."
To me, I think the tree symbolizes the "you" in the last verse. Each verse is it's own line, though you have added punctuations. Newton's laws are society's laws and becasue this tree has grown and gone it's own direction, it has defied the law of gravity, the law of our government--to be an identity of it's own beyond the law that restricts us and limits us in certain areas. As for the last verse, it could mean so much. 1) Society has breakin' that person, punishing and doing their best to make sure they live within the boundaries they were meant to. Almost a 1984 deal. 2)The tree has actually gone beyond it's limits and fails (but the first one seems more reasonable concerning the poem.
I like this becasue it talks about defying society. This could be related to any social problem concerning society. For kids, teenagers, it is school and the society that is made up there-- the jocks, nerds, freaks, skaters, etc. In their world, they are afraid to be who they are, so they cateorgarize themselves to be like someone ( usually that is the case) and for those who step away from the systemized groups are outcast, but they are who they are-- that tree growing beyond Newton's Law.
Now for the structure. I like to think that you, as the writer, wanted to defy society's law by defying the law of haikus--make it your own style. You end it right so maybe you don't topple over and you survive, but you still add that last bit of your own by changing the counts.
I liked this, though I think I may have gone to far with the meaning so forgive me for that. Good Job -stacey M.-
I'm not really a haiku expert, But I always thought it was 5 - 7 - 5, and this was 6 - 8 - 5, Maybe a type I don't know? Anyway.. I m always having a hard time interpreting haikus.. But what I get from it is that the tree represents society, and that d mean society is gonna break? I'd like to have your view on it so i'll be able to uinderstand where you were going to. I am glad this haiku doesnt belong to many other haikus i dont like, the ones that go about the beauty of nature, which I allways seem to find a bit.. boring. This one gave me something to think about, and that's much better. interesting write.
Janneke
By the way.. Maybe you can call this poem 'society' or.. 'tree' ?
Submission Name: Untitled
