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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Poetic
    ASL Info:    21/Female/Texas
    Elite Ratio:    7.94 - 78/39/19
    Words: 196
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 150
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1100



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    My breath escapes me as my chest starts to burn and my stomach spins into a mass of tension, until my knees go weak and my legs collapse out from under me.

    I'm waisted. Some how along the way I must have downed a bottle of poison as my mind wanders and the brightness of the world forces me to close my eyes. My head pounds.

    It's forbidden. To crave the apple atop the tree, never to know it's sweetness unless to take that unforgiveable bite... feeling the texture of heaven roll across the tounge and soothe the palette with drops of bitter sweet juice.. enough to make your mouth water and your senses flare. Can you taste it?

    Like fine silk, running the tips of each finger down the soft smooth crevace of each and every fold.. finding ones self never wanting to move as the warmth makes the hair on the arm stand raised.. like a lightening strike.

    In a bottle... it can't be contained.. and it will eat me alive until I'm consumed. I will be mad, having no rational thought left to contain my sanity.




    Submitted on 2006-05-26 09:23:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      well if i caught that right...
    it sounds like you might want to slow down from drinking...just a tad.

    but enough of that...

    it was a well written piece...i liked it..

    this part "My breath escapes me as my chest starts to burn and my stomach spins into a mass of tension, until my knees go weak and my legs collapse out from under me."

    definetly draws the reader in to reading an wondering on...as to whats happening.

    i also liked the idea of liquor being a forbiden fruit ( if it was alcohol)...
    well thats alllll i got for now.

    nice write...will have to come back check yah
    out later...

    one...

    luv livin life....
    | Posted on 2006-05-26 00:00:00 | by elohimswork | [ Reply to This ]
      very different than most i've read and i don't know quite how i feel about it, i did find it interesting... you managed to express your feelings and at the same time tell a story. i took it to be the effects of drinking and a hangover or the end of the bottle while trying to numb a problem which i sometimes feel like doing when things bother me, just drink them away. so i do like the way you expressed it here, it turned something ugly into something that could be appreciated
    | Posted on 2006-08-29 00:00:00 | by Seductress | [ Reply to This ]



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