wow... you know... i am in rome right now and there is latin stuff everywhere which is awesome... i am completely in awe of the whole experience and then i come online and read this completely by fluke (i clicked random poem and this is it...) and theres the whole latin thing again... crazy!
i like the way this is created... the ideas behind it that come screaming through...
the different stanza are brilliant!
the first one to me is a back to nature, back to basics, back to uncomplicated magic (or lack of understanding like we feel we must now in some ways) i think we can get so caught up in everything that we forget about the most beautiful things right under our noses...
the second stanza... i dont know.. for me its a realisation of religion of some description... on what level of religion i think it is up to the reader to decide but i love the angels and the robes... its so reminding me of all the churches i have been in while i have been here in rome... its amazing!
the third stanza is reality at its greatest... the stresses of daily living that cloud out the magic and the angels and the feeling of pebbles underfoot... im sure everyone knows these days... the stresses of getting kids organised while finding time to eat and dress and buy food and keep the world turning well...
the latin... you know... i dont know a thing of latin except for carpe diem and whatever my hightschool motto was... through love of learning we learn to live or something cheesy like that that i cant spell but i am really spellbound by the effect those words throw on this write.,.. its really stunning... im assuming that eternal rest give unto us... is what the latin is saying... it gives this piece a weight that is indescribable... really it is...
so many blanks to fill... we can work our butts off to do everything good and right and according to the book and still not make sense of anything...
anyways... this is a stunnning write! i am seriously in awe...
Got a question.... Was that latin in the end? If i had time to study languages, i'd study that and many more....Time is so limiting.... Anyhow back to the piece....
To me, it hit me more to the heart by thinking of everyday life and the little things that we do that interupts all of our major dreams.... A lot of people dream to be something, to do something (whatever it might be) but somehow, all of those dreams are interrupted (like a broadcast) with something that we didn't expect or something that may be important to us but not at the moment....
I don't know if i got it right because there is a lot of wisdom but that is what i got from it.... Did enjoy it very much except the last part...i was confused....but then i don't know the language....Now i know how others feel when you talk to someone else in another language..... Anyhow....take care... Irina
I don't fully understand everything in this poem, but I think I have an idea of what the basic, main point is.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
Kind of confusing in some areas. I don't understand the connection between the title and the content of the poem.
3.How did it make you feel?
I feel what you are speaking of here is the relationship between dreams and reality, or rather between intentions and actions; possibility, imagination, and blissful outcomes.
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
Because of the words you used.
5. Which parts?
"uncreated kingdoms dancing" (possibility. imagination) "whispers shared with native angels kisses solidified on flesh" (intentions and blissful outcomes)
and that you ended each stanza with, "so many blanks to fill". Blanks, meaning...desires, needs, plans, questions...to fill with realization, random things, actions, and answers?
6. What distracted from the piece?
In the last part, I assume that is real Latin, not just gibberish? It kind of confuses the poem without an interpretation for us bumpkins who don't know Latin.
7. What was unclear?
Third stanza, "Car pools, calenders grocery lists bipeds carve symbols to mark their dead stumbling like drunken millipedes towards heaven; so many blanks to fill"
no idea. And I don't understand "magisterium?".
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
Make it make more sense. And change the fifth line of the second stanza by join it with the sixth; I don't see the need to separate "robe" from "velvet". It's confusing to read.
10. What would you have done differently?
Nothing. I wouldn't have written this poem at all. I don't think like that.
11. What was your interpretation of it?
Like I said before. It's about the blanks in life that we fill with actions that realize our dreams, even something as simple as planting a kiss on flesh. At least, that's what I think the parts I understand mean.
12. Does it feel original?
Yes. Very detailed thought presented in unusually abstract words.
how many pebbles can we throw at emptyness to fill it to the top. this was a dumb stoned thought i was pondering before i approached this page. emptiness is becoming a more and more common emotion (if "emotion" is what we call it) and I thhought that itseems nearly impossible to write about. Well, dear sir, you have proven me wrong... very impressive. I didnt understand the end, and I am assuming that the translation is in your description.
I also loved how you made emptiness a possibilty for endless opportinities, whether these opportunites be mundane (filling grocery lists) or spine crackingly spiritual. This whole notion is quite inspiring actually, whoa! [censored] yes!
I just decided to add it to my favs., for religious purposes
If I comment on this poem, maybe I will feel like I have evened up the 'read-n-critique' score between us. And I probably shouldn't use the word critique because that implies that I know more about poetry than you do, which is clearly not the case. Let's just say here's my interpretation of your poem... ----------------------------------
"Crackling like nutshells against the sill pebbles gathering underfoot uncreated kingdoms dancing; so many blanks to fill" ..........................
I see this as step one of a progression. You're young. Your life is before you like a blank slate. The uncreated kingdoms are your visions and dreams for the future. The blanks to fill are the work you have cut out for you. You have a lot to do. ............................. Whispers shared with native angels kisses solidified on flesh, grace shed a lengthy, velvet robe; so many blanks to fill ................................ Stanza Two, progression continues. Kisses solidified on flesh is showing that your visions and dreams are starting to be realized. Or maybe it just means that part of the vision for your future was with someone, a spouse maybe. Gradually, the things that you are working for and hoping for are being revealed and fulfilled. Abstract becomes concrete. Blanks to fill just means you still have plenty to look forward to. You're still young. ........................
Car pools, calendars grocery lists bipeds carve symbols to mark their dead stumbling like drunken millipedes toward heaven; so many blanks to fill .................. Stanza three, fast forward twenty years. The blanks of your life have been transformed from potential, then to the excitement of fulfillment, and now to expectations, and dare I say drudgery? The blanks are now the boxes on the calendar that are continually being filled with all kinds of crap you have to do, rather than what you hope to do. The bipeds are humans...its a human condition I guess- at least it's MY condition, hehe. The symbols are the checkmarks on my TO DO list, and the X's on my calendar. The dead are the DONE things on the TO DO list and the passed days on the calendar. The dead are like drunken millipededs because there are thousands of them and they don't always make a lot of sense. They are marching toward heaven because we think that in doing all these good works we are somehow getting closer and closer to heaven, or to appproval or to God or something. And it never seems ot be enough. .............
*requiem aeternum dona ei et lux perpetua luceat ei cum sanctis tuis in aeterum cras tu eris mecum*
so many blanks to fill ........... It means Give me a break, Oh Lord. Can I please just let some of my blanks BE blank? Let's just let them remain unfilled. I need the rest.
OK, I know this is just me and my middle-aged working mom perspective, but what other viewpoint do I have?
So reading through all these comments and reading the piece again, I struggle to think of something to say that has not been said already better by those who know you more than I ;) So I will just say how this makes me feel.
This makes me think of memories, the regrets of things left undone and the path not taken, of my faith or my lack of faith, of the future, of what comes beyond death. And I get this feeling that the broadcast that is being interrupted is life, and here it is layed out - the castles in the sky, the unfulfilled dreams, the 'kisses solidified on flesh' - simply wonderful, the descriptions I can almost *taste* here - it brought the phantoms of my own blanks that need to be filled to the surface, however fleetingly.
This is a poem that changes who you are, when you read it. Thank you.
'We Interupt this broadcast' sense of war declared and knowing my luck I would have missed it and be blissfully unaware of Armageddon. At least that is the impression I get from this and those missed moments. A disturbing but very powerful poem with a sensational opening line. take care nessie