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    dots Submission Name: Angerdots

    Author: wewak11
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 3436/3630/329
    Words: 278
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 1368
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1691

       Sins, sins, sins....

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Oh, my head, the floor is red, a filthy potpourri,
    Wait a tick - I'm feeling sick, Oh God! That blood's from me!
    Jesus Christ, my hand is diced! I've lost my wedding ring!
    What's gone on? My memory's gone, I can't recall a thing.

    That's not all, my lounge room wall is full of bloody holes,
    I'm in strife, I bet the wife won't hear a tale of moles!
    Smashed LP's and DVD's in pieces on the mat,
    Man, I hate to contemplate what's happened to the cat!

    Who'da thunk that pile of junk was once a new TV?
    On my ass are bits of glass, the fish tank's history;
    What the hell...who rang the bell? A prize fight happened here?
    Stone the crows! I don't suppose that I should grab a beer...

    If I guess about this mess, I must have gone to sleep,
    Yes, it seems I had some dreams, oh God, I want to weep;
    Did I wake, for Heaven's sake, and think I'd been attacked?
    I could choke, the PC's broke and our new sofa's hacked!

    Now a flying thought floats by: of early afternoon,
    Grabbed a beer and came in here, the football game on soon;
    Saturday is made for play, so why'd I get so mad?
    Football's grand, reached out my hand, that's when it all went bad.

    Throw the chairs and lamps, who cares? It all comes flooding back,
    Temper lost, forget the cost, I kick the CD rack;
    This is bad, I get so mad I grab ME by the throat,
    Such a crime, it's every time I lose the damn remote!

    Submitted on 2006-05-26 23:51:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Another masterpiece Graeme!!! Frick'n Awesome.
    | Posted on 2006-05-29 00:00:00 | by wishmaster1256 | [ Reply to This ]
      haha! this was absolutely hysterical. it deffinantly shows your witty side, graeme. i hate when i lose the remote! i really loved the way with each stanza you gave away a little bit more about the scene and lead the reader into finishing the poem. great write!

    | Posted on 2006-05-27 00:00:00 | by cre_dia | [ Reply to This ]
       that godamned remote...always growing legs and disappearing to where it oughtnt to be! haha..oughtnt..thats fun to say..sorry, off topic! My remote doesn that too, only to find that it has snuck behind the couch or underneath it. Don't we all feel like that somedays?

    | Posted on 2006-05-27 00:00:00 | by MorbidAngel114 | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought it was highly amusing and the rhyming did wonders. It was well written and very humorous. I hope that isn't a typical scene over a lost remote *glances fearfully around for the remote of the closest tv* nah, yeah (ignore that, I'm feeling random) but yeah it was a really good write. I try (mainly unsuccessfully) to keep the lines roughly the same length so on the longer lines here I fell out a little but that's all. I found it amusing when you revealed the entire thing was over a remote, I had this scene built up in my head where you'd gotten stoned or drunk or something and been attacked and then it wasn't.
    | Posted on 2006-05-27 00:00:00 | by Cat | [ Reply to This ]
      All this anger of a lost remote control? I hope the fridge is stocked with beer- I'd hate to see what heppens if you run out of brew...

    I loved the rhyme within the rhymes. A scheme I've used once and found extremely hard to pull off. I tripped slightly ove rhte tense change in the last stnaza, but i get what you were saying so it's all good. Probably just a symptom of my insomnia.

    I pray that isn't your bathroom! (It is supposed to be a bathroom, right? LOL!

    Take Care!

    | Posted on 2006-05-27 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      Very funny Graeme,it seems you men just can't live without your football let alone the remote ha,I could imagion this intire scene over a remote too, good visual pal, keep up the great works
    | Posted on 2006-05-27 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]

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