Oh, my head, the floor is red, a filthy potpourri,
Wait a tick - I'm feeling sick, Oh God! That blood's from me!
Jesus Christ, my hand is diced! I've lost my wedding ring!
What's gone on? My memory's gone, I can't recall a thing.

That's not all, my lounge room wall is full of bloody holes,
I'm in strife, I bet the wife won't hear a tale of moles!
Smashed LP's and DVD's in pieces on the mat,
Man, I hate to contemplate what's happened to the cat!

Who'da thunk that pile of junk was once a new TV?
On my ass are bits of glass, the fish tank's history;
What the hell...who rang the bell? A prize fight happened here?
Stone the crows! I don't suppose that I should grab a beer...

If I guess about this mess, I must have gone to sleep,
Yes, it seems I had some dreams, oh God, I want to weep;
Did I wake, for Heaven's sake, and think I'd been attacked?
I could choke, the PC's broke and our new sofa's hacked!

Now a flying thought floats by: of early afternoon,
Grabbed a beer and came in here, the football game on soon;
Saturday is made for play, so why'd I get so mad?
Football's grand, reached out my hand, that's when it all went bad.

Throw the chairs and lamps, who cares? It all comes flooding back,
Temper lost, forget the cost, I kick the CD rack;
This is bad, I get so mad I grab ME by the throat,
Such a crime, it's every time I lose the damn remote!