Why I'm Here by living

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Submission Name: Why I'm Here dots

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Author:	living_vampyre
ASL Info:	17/M/Ont
Elite Ratio:	3.16 - 12/25/5
Words:	102

Class/Type:	Poetry/Angry
Total Views:	346
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	571

Description:
my life story everyone asks heres your god damn answer! surprise surprise!

Why I'm Here dots

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I came to show you hate,
I came to show you fear.
I came to take your pride,
And all that you hold dear.

I came to show you pain,
I came to make you cry.
I came to make you hate your life,
And make you want to die.

I came to show you anger,
I came to make you scream.
I came to show you shadows,
And to haunt your dreams.

I came to make you worry,
I came to make you bleed.
I came to make you long for death,
And help you with that deed......

Submitted on 2004-05-12 07:27:17 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  You came, you sought, you payed revenge.
That's what I got from this poem. Cat recommded you and I see why. You are a talented writer. There was a lotta emotion in this piece. I could see myself reading more of your word. Its a darker work and I've always liked and enjoyed the darker writings.
~BCute
| Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
  ahhh, ur deep desire to cause pain has me absolutely intrigued. lol. i know that this is good but yet again i have only 1 critique. and that is:
I came to show you anger,
I came to make you scream.
I came to show you shadows,
And to haunt your dreams.
On this last line it doesn't flow quite right. i had to stop the pace i had. i think it might need more syllables. for ex: and to haunt you in your dreams. but i don't know. its just a thought. u are a good writer and im happy u are here to cause pain. lmao. sry i found that ironic. anyways... i do hope to read more of ur unique poems because i enjoy them. ~Cat~
| Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by dancer06 | [ Reply to This ]
  drew you have a really dark outlook and as your sister let me be the first too say it rocks lol then again i'm messed lol go figure were related eh lol anyways post more you lazy bum i like your poetry its one of the few things about i can stand
love nat
| Posted on 2004-09-27 00:00:00 | by Nataliah_Coffin | [ Reply to This ]
  well even though it's about taunting jaime it has a kewl meaning it's dark like you for sure man great write keep it up and whether ur angry anymore or not man don't change the attitude it works for you!
| Posted on 2004-05-21 00:00:00 | by demonicglare | [ Reply to This ]
  negativity, I am not nice all the time, but you don't seem to be nice at all, and a bit of advice, not everyone will fall to your hate, so perhaps you should try to tone it down a bit, I mean, come on, why make people's lives a living hell, is it really worth it to you, to watch people suffer?
| Posted on 2004-05-12 00:00:00 | by ViCiOuSWrItEr | [ Reply to This ]
  I've read all three of your submissions and it is all pretty much the same thing, just mixed up a bit. Your negativity is nothing original, but why not make your works into something more original? You definitely have talent. Keep writing!
| Posted on 2004-05-13 00:00:00 | by redthewitch | [ Reply to This ]

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