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    dots Submission Name: quietlydots

    Author: gjenkins
    Elite Ratio:    1.85 - 88/107/97
    Words: 67
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 747
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 443


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I let her
    come into my home
    while I sleep

    I let her eat
    as my heart goes
    thump thump thump
    my special place she goes

    my whispers are unbearable
    my lips quiver, as
    if the words
    run away in fear
    she lays down
    close to me
    holding my head
    saying, sshhh, sshhh, sshhh
    my sweet,
    it will come
    it will come

    Submitted on 2006-05-27 10:05:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      as i'm trying to think of a critique the will have meaning and depth (unlike these others, hah!) the only thing i can think of is "wow, this was absolutely beautiful."

    i re-read it several times and i am wondering, is this about true love? or about a love/hate relationship? i keep on going back and forth. the first time through i assumed it was about true love but the first stanza and the lines
    "if the words
    run away in fear"
    make me question my initial thought

    either way, it's a wonderful write, but i'd really like to know.

    | Posted on 2006-05-29 00:00:00 | by laurenflavored | [ Reply to This ]
      I couldnt really tell what this poem was about. there was alot of interpretation to it, that is what i liked about it. To much of poetry has an exact meaning.
    | Posted on 2006-05-27 00:00:00 | by Pheonix389 | [ Reply to This ]
      sweet, romantic, short. I like the choppy flow. Cool
    | Posted on 2006-05-27 00:00:00 | by bran_flake | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem could be about many different things. I might suggest making your actually point a little clearer. It did seem a bit choppy, but that gave it the short poem feel.

    I also might change

    "my special place she goes"

    She goes to the special place of my ...

    Over all I liked it.

    | Posted on 2006-06-09 00:00:00 | by bmc | [ Reply to This ]
      The best thing about this one is definitely the line "my whispers are unbearable." I don't really know why, but that arrangement of words expresses a lot of different things to me. It seems that you are unsure wheather you love this person (if it is a person) or if you are intimidated by her. Could it also be that you are afraid of loving her? Hmmmm... I guess the world will never know.

    | Posted on 2006-06-04 00:00:00 | by EclecticEntropy | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, I like this. It's short but pretty cool. Lots of luck,
    | Posted on 2006-05-27 00:00:00 | by bgj | [ Reply to This ]

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